Starting Over

Friends

2012-01-29T00:35:00.003+08:00

Many people assume that I don't blog as often anymore. In fact, I still do it on a regular basis. It's a matter of whether I publish those posts or save them as drafts. For some reason, I wrote this post 4 days ago but didn't publish it, because I feel that it is too private, the angle I'm writing from. Editing it and making it more impersonal would be a hassle, but some things happen consecutively these days that makes it appropriate to post publicly.

Enjoy:

25/1/12, 9:45pm
Long before social media stepped in and complicated our lives a hell lot more, the word "friend" used to be a simple notion, of someone you hang out and have fun with, of someone who listens to your problems and vice versa, of a person you know will go through a great deal of your life with you. Since the days of Facebook, people start to add people as a "friend" even if they're really just acquaintances. As a result, an unpopular person could have as many as 400 friends, while a popular individual may have at least 1000 friends. Who, really are our true friends?

The notion of friendship has become very loose, and the sanctity of such a beautiful word has diminished due to the excessive use/abuse. These days, when you call someone your friend, that friend wouldn't find that status gratifying or rewarding enough. Consequently, we start to push our creativity and vocabulary skill to a further extent by adding adjectives such as "best", "close", "true" or "only" before friend, or completely nickname our friends something equally unique and sweet, just to separate this special bunch of people from your other insignificant friends.

I really do squeeze my creative juices a lot just to think of pet names for my friends as a form of assurance that they are significant to me. I am largely successful in being clear on my feelings for them, but I've been caught in situations where those who are not really that significant to me think that they are. It's really deeply uncomfortable to be caught in a situation when they treat me so importantly but that sentiment isn't mutual. I end up hating myself for being unable to develop such tenderness, and then I force myself to, and end up being unnatural. But then again, I have social media to thank because it has played a remarkable role in making the boundaries of a concept of a friendship grey and murky.

Think about it: when is it that you stop calling that person an acquaintance and start calling him a friend? You would need to know some basic information about him, such as: How many family members does he have, and what is his rank in sibling-ship? Does he smoke? Where does he stay? What is his educational history? I state these examples because I have "friends" who don't even know the basic information about me yet go around telling the whole world that I am his best friend. You're just my acquaintance, not even my friend!

I am someone who can be sloppy at times. I have the capacity for neatness, and I have a keen eye, but sometimes I don't have the patience because efficiency is my priority (just look at how beautiful or ugly my handwriting can swing). When it comes to people, however, I expect distinction. That is why I choose my friends very wisely and carefully. It takes me a tremendous amount of time before I stop referring to my mental checklist of whether s/he would betray me, be disloyal or insincere, and even a longer time before I stop that mental alarm of constantly being alert to any possible traits that might turn me away from the friendship. Basically, what I mean is that it takes me a long time before I trust someone and just be myself. By direct proportionality, as I grow older, my fear increases. With my fear that mostly protects me from hurting but sometimes louses me up, I am really fortunate to have met a handful of true friends with superior morals and beliefs who incidentally, love me very much, and every single day, I thank my lucky stars.

Make your friends feel loved by distinguishing them from your other "friends" who are really just superficial acquaintances. I'm not saying that it is wrong to aim for 2000 or 3000 Facebook friends, or that it is sinful to try to be Mr. or Ms. Popular. My point is to urge you to remember who your true friends are, and instead of aiming an empty goal, focus more on those who really are worth it, and let these people know it.

Well What Do You Know!

2012-01-26T22:47:00.000+08:00

I must say that my Hollywood history is improving so much that I can actually identity some Tom & Jerryish undertones to this song Here's To The Girls sung by Fred Astaire (aww...) in the musical movie Ziegfeld Follies, 1934.

The song was written by Rogers Edens, the songwriter who was involved in MGM's Tom and Jerry songs.

The reason I watched this is because of a wonderful, beautiful, talented and sexy showgirl who appeared in timeline 3:00. I got a kick out of the lyrics of the song because if you listen carefully, they included LUCILLE (aka Lucille Ball) in the lyrics!

And look at the way she dances, it's totally disconnected from the Lucy Ricardo talentless wife in I Love Lucy. This proves that she was the best actress as she was the most versatile!

Not to forget other stars like Gene Kelly, Judy Garland and Red Skelton, who appeared in the huge musical!

The Source Of Your Spring Water

2012-01-23T22:27:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone!

I suppose that for many local women, Chinese New Year is the best excuse to purchase new apparels, bags, shoes and jewelry, wear heavy make up and alluring fragrances, and consume lots of sinful heavenly goodies. Everything applies doubly for me, of course. We deserve to splurge if we've worked extremely hard, don't we!

Maybe because I've reflected upon many readings on people who died with regrets about not doing many things they ought to recently, but fortunately for me, I now have the chance to expound on the fact that Chinese New Year isn't about material goods nor vanity, it is about family, and am able to share my feelings with you.

饮水思源: knowing where the source of the spring water and being grateful for it.

Many of us forget the fundamental meaning of Chinese New Year-- it is an occasion to visit not only your best friends, but the people who share the same bloodline as you do. Our ancestors are the ones who have paved the way for a physically safe, and psychologically and monetarily secure environment that we now enjoy. Sadly, because families have to branch out, they could only catch a glimpse of us once a year. Sometimes, many of us don't even bother to visit them because we have other better things to do-- spend more time with our romantic partners, watch television programs or because we're afraid to be nagged or shamed by our (insensitive) relatives, when most of them just sincerely want us to be happy.

We are probably too young to understand how our aged grandparents feel, but do try to step into their shoes just for a moment: Imagine that you are now old and feeble, and feel trapped in a weakening shriveled old body. Intellectually wise, you aren't able to keep up with the pace of our offspring who are crowded around you, engaged in their own colorful conversations. As hours fly by, you feel increasingly lethargic, but try to fight off that now familiar sensation that will lull us to sleep and waste more of the limited time on earth, simply because you know that your offspring only visit you once annually. Deep down, you even doubt that you could live till the next new year.

How do you feel?

We all have a peak period of our lives, where we look best, feel best, earn most and play most. But remember that every peak has an incline and a decline. If you want your decline to be fruitful and meaningful, be a good role model for your younger siblings or children-- teach them what 饮水思源 means. Take a few hours out of your 365 days of 8760 hours a year to visit them, to stop bearing grudges, and unselfishly make your elders happy, even if they do not recognize you anymore. Don't live to regret.

Let this Chinese New Year and future years be more meaningful!

Sing and Dance

2012-01-21T22:45:00.001+08:00

I really dig those old television shows, where song and dance routines were integrated into story lines. Watching those stars getting jolly while performing just makes me feel jolly myself too.

I probably feel so because of my musical background of singing in a choir and dancing in performance. The rehearsals are always tedious and frustrating, but when everything becomes perfect and fit for performance, that feeling that embraces me is just so marvelous that it outweighs the costs and sacrifices. And when you know the audience members are enjoying themselves, nothing is more important at that moment.

They sure don't make shows like that anymore. I think that these oldies should be brought back into the mass media's world again. I'm not saying that old Hollywood stars were very moral, but at least they were discreet about it. This ensured that fewer people were negatively influenced due to the lack of exposure to such entities. Today, however, impressionable adolescents are being negatively influenced from all that coarse language, sexual blatancy, and positive portrayal of drugs and cigarettes. Honestly, I feel cleansed after watching oldies. Nowadays, I don't really laugh much at tasteless corny boorish or sexual jokes.

We're sliding down a slippery moral slope, and it's time to look back to the good old days in order to save our future generations.

Serial Monogamous Relationships

2012-01-20T19:39:00.001+08:00

Have you ever heard of the term "serial monogamous relationships"? Separately, the vocabulary would hold a meaning to you. What they magically equate to when placed side by side is the tendency for some people to engage in one serious relationship after another, where each new relational partner serves as a replacement to the predecessor.

People who engage in such relationships hop from one relationship to the next, mostly needing some company to forget about the previous relationships. At times, they bank on the fact that they do like their new partners, and internally hope that the mild affection would blossom into true love. If it doesn't, well, they just have to force themselves to develop some kinda romantic feelings.

These people have seemingly found the magic formula to escape from the nasty remnants after the relationship has failed. By jumping into an entirely fresh relationship, it's a fresh start all over again. Let me find a perfect illustration to explain why it's a foolish formula.

Have you ever bought a spiral notebook like this, and couldn't find a theme to scribble down in the notebook?

After writing a page or two, you put the notebook aside, then take a look at it, finding what you've written is lame or irrelevant, and tear that page off? After all, tearing the pages off is easy for a spiral notebook. After tearing 20 pages or so however, you suddenly realize that the pages left between the two hardcovers of the notebook are so meager that the notebook should belong in the bin.

Well, that's the story of the life of people who keep finding replacements to fill that empty void. Their lives are a blur of people who keep entering and exiting, and ultimately, they finally wake up to the fact that they have led meaningless lives. Believe me, it feels horrible to find this out when you're old and feeble. It'll be too late by then, and I'm sure you would have little friends because they would have left you long ago in utter disgust.

Please be careful while choosing a romantic partner. Do not find someone who is merely using you to serve his or her own purpose. I won't pass judgment on the correctness or wrongness, but these people are definitely emotionally weak. You wouldn't want to go through life with them: just imagine when you're both in your 40s and you develop a physical ailment-- will they be there for you, or would they escape? In the first place, they don't truly love you like a soul mate.

I rather you find someone who shares that mutual love, go through high fires and deep waters with you, and you end up in a divorce but remain as best friends. At least, the love you've shared is a genuine article, and the both of you have bravely tried.

Baking Narcissism

2012-01-20T03:40:00.000+08:00

I think I'm not going to bake cornflake cookies for quite some time, after the intense baking.

First batch, specially for Elaine:

Second batch for other orders, friends and family:

It's not even Chinese New Year and my throat's a little sore. But I just love my honey cornflake cookies!

Enjoyable (16/1)

2012-01-19T22:23:00.002+08:00

(*Updated with pictures!)
These few days have been rather merciful to me. It was a relief, a sanctuary from the hectic days. I got to meet Diana and Elaine; they celebrated my belated birthday and we ate at Sukiya, my favorite Japanese steamboat restaurant, and then we went down to Orchard.

Thank you Diana for the cookies! They're delicious-- I finished everything in two days!

After our meal, we went to Orchard to look for Jaslin, and then we shopped around. Though it was crowded as an important festival is creeping up, I enjoyed myself with my best friends from university. It was like back to the old days again, like the previous Chinese New Year period together with Priscilla too.

Thank you to the two of you for my lovely birthday presents! I'm always hesitant to print my pictures as it's so expensive and troublesome. Thank you, and I can really see the effort from the two of you! And I love the H&M cardigan too! Love you guys!

Jaslin and I shopped a little after her work. Each time I wait for her, I would end up buying clothes. Ha ha! I finally got my Christian Dior concealer. I've been hesitating for months. In lieu of the incoming red packets, I'm liable to splurge a little. Well, this festive season is always an excuse to shop for clothes, shoes, undergarments, cosmetics and all the nonsense.

I treasure these wonderful days so much!

Abercrombie and Fitch

2012-01-18T23:40:00.003+08:00

I went to Abercrombie and Fitch exactly 3 times since it had opened and truth be told, I wasn't very impressed with the clothes. Sure, the furnishings and all were a mixture of elegance and cool sophistication, but I guess I'm not the A&F type of person. Look at the women in Singapore: I see more ladies strutting down in Taiwanese/Korean/Chinese apparels than in western styles. Let's face the ugly truth, we're much too short, our carriage ain't regal enough, and our shoulders aren't broad enough to look great in western apparels.

Besides, I don't see how I could use scarfs, winter coats and gloves in an absurdly humid country like Singapore. It's too bad seasonal trends must be followed-- I bet sales would drop each winter season for companies like this.

Moral of the story: It's perfectly fine to purchase luxury products, but purchase luxury products that are useful and at the same time, make sure they look good on you too!

So what's the great hype about A&F opening in our country? Unless you're desperate enough to wear your clothes inside out so people would see your A&F label?

Nah, many Singaporeans are just blindly following fads. I bet most of them didn't know Abercrombie and Fitch existed till it appeared in the news when half naked men were sashaying down Orchard Road as an extreme advertising resort to hype things up. I would gladly take back my words if you're really an A&F fan, or if you really love their apparels there. However, I've been disappointed so far. Remember the Mac Donald's Hello Kitty doll craze the last century? Singaporeans are just blind fad followers.

This outfit looks great though: Library Crush

Facts!

2012-01-15T09:40:00.000+08:00

1. Lucy asked Desi for permission to remarry after their amicable divorce. He didn't want to agree but he wanted her to be happy.
2. Desi would send anniversary flowers to Lucy every year of their wedding anniversary until his death, even after remarriage.
3. Lucy spoke to Desi two days before his death and told him she loved him.
4. Upon Lucy's death, her husband Gary Morton replied, "She's happy, she's with Desi now."

They Really Did

2012-01-15T08:57:00.001+08:00

"Desi Arnaz Reveals: I Still Love Lucy"

"I don't care what her present husband thinks about it – I still love Lucy!" admits a candid Desi Arnaz.

"I still send her red and white carnations on our wedding anniversary. You can't be married to the same person for [19] years and then wipe them out of your life just because of divorce.

"The important thing is that we are very best friends now. She knows I love her and would do anything for her at the drop of a hat. She is the mother of my children."

Lucy agreed that she and Desi – once "America's sweethearts" – still have a soft spot for each other. "Desi and I do care about each other as the very best of friends – even though we're not married," confided the fabulous redhead in a separate interview.

"We had some great times together.

"It was just that we couldn't make our marriage work out because we'd grown so different over the years," Lucy explained.

"Desi had a blind faith in my abilities without ever giving me the cooperation I needed from him.

"But we learned how to solve that when we separated – and today we have a very special place for each other in our hearts," Lucy admitted.

Lucy married nightclub entertainer – and now top producer – Gary Morton after her divorce from Desi.

And Desi has been married for 13 years to Edith Hirsch. Recently Desi spoke openly about why his marriage to Lucy collapsed.

"Our marriage broke down because we were two very different people," he explained.

"We had tremendous arguments over what seem to be insignificant things, but we never could reach that compromise to hold it together," Desi continued.

"Lucy was a woman who liked cool weather, while I wanted to bake in the heat. She would walk around the house to open every window in the place, and I would follow and close them all up," Desi recalled.

"But even though the marriage collapsed – our love did not.

"I make no bones about the fact that I still love her. There's never been a period in our lives when we felt we couldn't call each other.

"Last year I was very sick with an aggravated chest cold that just wouldn't go away," Desi continued.

"My son Desi telephoned the news of my condition to Lucy who was vacationing in Aspen, Colo. She had just broken her leg learning how to ski, but at a moment's notice she chartered an ambulance plane and flew to be by my side.

"She was a marvelous tonic, and the two of us helped cheer each other up tremendously.

"And just last year we hosted our son Desi's 21st birthday together.

"It's just like I've always said: There's more to 'I Love Lucy' than the title of a television show."

Love-ly

2012-01-15T02:22:00.001+08:00

I really ad a great time today and the feelings that still linger is warming my heart up!

Jaslin wanted to learn how to bake cheesecake from me, so she came to my place early. I cooked her brunch and instructed her on the steps. Basically, she did 80% of the job and it was a fantastic first try at this fevered dessert! Kudos to my smart gal!

Then, Aishah came over and the two lovely gals accompanied me to watch old shows starring Lucille Ball. Aishah was particularly great in entertaining me-- she had even Googled and Wiki-ed about Lucille and I was touched beyond words. The fact that she had bothered to find out more about my interest was just unexpectedly, incredibly heartening. And guess what, she knows who Bob Hope is too! And Gene Kelly! As I watched on one movie after another happily (The Long, Long Trailer and Fancy Pants), and as the day grew increasingly darker, the two gals got hungrier and hungrier but didn't mention it to me. I felt so guilty when I realized that they were so hungry that they were going to faint. Anyway, they finally found out about the story behind the name Tacy and kept teasing me. I couldn't stand it anymore!

We rushed to Ikea and had a sumptuous dinner. I tell you, I was so hungry that I didn't chew on the food fully, but gobbled the food down like a hungry seal. Of course, I took the opportunity to talk more about Lucille with them. It's like all the thoughts have been bottled up and suddenly, the cork was blown and I guess Jaslin got bored. But hey, you guys learned a lot, didn't cha?

We shopped for photo frames and plants and chocolates and plain water and we had a great haul!

It's always full of laughter and relaxation whenever I'm with my two favorite gals. I could completely be myself and so could they.

It's 2am and I'm halfway done with baking. Sleep eludes me but I'm not tired, I'm exalted!

Funny

2012-01-13T21:00:00.001+08:00

I love to see Bob Hope and Lucille Ball together!

The first time I watched this, I cracked up with so much laughter that tears started seeping out of the corners of my eyes.

Lucy was truly comfortable working with only her ex husband Desi and her close friend Bob Hope. He's the only one who could ever make her laugh on the set.

"Next time you knock over a playboy house, steal him a bunny."
"I don't usually go for flat feet, but the rest of you kind of makes up for it."
"I don't usually go for hoots, but you could use one."
"My dear, why don't we sit on the couch and chat?"
"They're not making cowards like they used to"
"What's the hurry?"/"I'm on my lunch hour."
"That was me, I just blew a fuse."
"Oh no, I can't take money for this sort of thing." (LOL!!!)
"You fool, you got me from my bad side."

I'm so addicted to laughter now!

Fickle Minded

2012-01-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

I am interested in a huge array of things, but one major flaw is that I run out of steam quickly-- Poof! And I start an entirely new hobby or I find a new love and it would be months, even years, before I return to the old one. This creates some form of dissonance from the people around me because they cannot seem to be catching up with me. If they cease contact and get us engaged again after a short period of time, something about me has changed and they cannot seem to connect with me like they did before.

It may be a flaw, but it certainly has helped me gain lots of knowledge and experience. As a result, I'm like a walking encyclopedia-- I know about more things than everyone around me does thanks to my avid curiosity and fickle interest that fades away and renews itself. I know about making friendship bands, knitting, and art and craft. I know about dancing-- ballet dance, Chinese dance, Russian dance and Salsa. I know about singing in a choir, about piano and a little bit of guitar. I know many genres and periods of music and songs, and old and new Hollywood, of stars, and American television shows. I know quite a bit of French language. My Geography is good-- I know a great deal about earth and places with natural disasters, and I know a lot about the history of many countries, mostly USA. I know about skin and hair and nails and makeup, and I know about mixing and matching clothes. I know a little of each subject-- from natural sciences of Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, to humanities of Geography, History, English Literature, Chinese Literature and social sciences of Psychology, Sociology, Communication and Business. I know about teaching, and about working in a huge organization. I know about food and nutrition, and how to cook and bake too. I'm not ignorant in politics and general knowledge. Now, I know how to paint walls and wardrobes and design rooms too!

Most importantly, my acumen of reading people is so strong that I am rarely wrong. It's a natural gift alright. So, I'll say one thing about me that always remains steady though; that is, how I feel about my loved ones. I'll always display my loyalty for them, because they have always shown their loyalty too! These people are the best of the best in terms of personality and morals because, well because you just have to trust my instincts!

That's how one examines one's flaw and turn it into one's advantage. However, because of this flaw-turned-strength, I feel kind of separated from everyone, kind of lonely. It's like I'm always laughing and smiling on stage, but nobody could really guess what I'm really feeling.

Hilarious!

2012-01-13T12:59:00.001+08:00

This is a tribute to Lucille Ball by Bob Hope, aired 5 months after her death.

Notice the standing ovation given to Lucy whenever she appeared. The news of her death had more coverage than any of the presidents ever, and even the presidents mentioned her name whenever they were being interviewed.

No one can EVER crack Lucille Ball up when she's on the set. Well, no one... except Bob Hope.

Poor Bob, he looked like he was going to cry at the end.

Those two were the father and mother of comedy. Comedy is serious business is right.

Bob Hope

2012-01-13T11:58:00.001+08:00

Bob Hope is hilarious!

The two of them really had great chemistry. It helped that they were great friends too!

10/1/12 Awesome Friends and Awesome Day

2012-01-11T00:17:00.002+08:00

Today will go down in history as being the most fabulous day I have had in year 2012.

I used to think that "absence makes the heart fonder" was a load of corny crap. Now, it was a tough lesson but I've realized that if the love exists and our connection is as strong as cement, the saying indeed holds true. My fall semester had been disastrous-- it's a period where I wish to erase from my memory forever. I realized today that I had been trying my utmost to deny it because I wanted to be invincible and sovereign, but I had missed my friends tremendously; I'm only human, and these lovely friends have won my heart over without my knowledge.

Spending time with the gang, where I could be my loud nutty self, while constantly clowning around, making fun of them and cracking corny jokes left a bittersweet feeling. We all enjoyed ourselves, but things will never be the same again as we go our separate ways. Nevertheless, I loved my life in university; just when I had lost hope in mankind and the whole package of humanity, I made a handful of really great friends who are thoughtful, fun loving, funny and incredibly selfless.

Here's a recap of my awesome day with my awesome friends. The craving to meet Elaine early before meeting the rest was so strong that when I missed my bus, my short fuse blew. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise because while I was walking to the central, guess who I bumped into? It was none other than my beloved sweet lovable buddy AISHAH! The encounter was really hilarious, another glimpse into my spontaneous personality (that is, to put it in a nice way). I was standing at the pedestrian area waiting to cross the road and getting increasingly impatient when I heard a familiar voice. Knowing who that voice belonged to, I immediately turned behind and shouted "AISHAH!" I almost scared both her sister and her to death.

Anyway, it was great bumping into her. I can't wait till Saturday!

Finally, after 5 months of online mediated modes of communication, I finally got to see my 宝贝 Elaine Ng! Of course, she missed our local delicacies such as Koi and Auntie Kim's. I guess it must have been a torture for so long because of her Asian taste bud for hearty Singaporean food!

Koi and Gong Cha are boring to me as I have either of the two around once a week. But I'm always a good sport!

We were so engrossed with each other that I didn't check my phone-- the rest have all arrived early too! I replied immediately, and...

Soon thereafter, Xueli arrived, followed by my buddy-who-would-do-crazy-stunts-with-me Diana Deng, and Yu Jie too!

Auntie Kim's:

It seemed fitting that we all traveled to school together after our scrumptious lunch. It would be the last time that we do that conjointly.

I finally got to see my academic adviser-- I think she enjoys my visits as I always entertain her and make her laugh unreservedly. Hey! It's a rare side of me that few people get to see. She just has this special quality that makes me want to crack her up. She's great, the best amongst her predecessors.

Anyway, I was moved beyond words upon receiving the US paraphernalia from my darlings. I am able to mask my sheer gratification and only showed delight, but in fact, I was very flattered that they hold me in such high regards to waste so much precious space from their luggage. These wonderful bits and pieces isn't about the money, quality or quantity involved; it is the best evidence that they haven't forgotten about me at all throughout the 5 months away from me.

The precious merchandise that I am now in possession of:

And the articles they had gotten from Disney World Orlando, Florida:

They both knew about my love for Lucille Ball even though they had been thousands and thousands of miles away from me, separated from me by a vast ocean. At first, I thought that the plate (it is a car plate, isn't it!) was depicting my name as I had merely glanced at it and I saw the alphabets "C" and "Y", like Tra"CY". After showing my admiration for all the other goods, I finally took out the plate and was really surprised! They told me that there's an exhibition about Lucy at Universal Studios and envy overcame me! If I had gone with them, I would have gone through every single bit of that exhibition, maybe more. Then again, if I had gone, I wouldn't have known about Lucy.

The Lucy Exhibition in Universal Studios, Orlando

I'm going to get a car and replace the traditional (insert "boring" here) car plate with this like what Samantha Jones did in Sex and the City by replacing a boring car plate with "I Love New York", except that first, it's not practical to get a car here, and second, Singapore doesn't allow for any confusing (insert "creative" here) disorder.

I love the key chain and sweet too!

And look at the sinful but delicious chocolates and candies: I feel like a child of 8 years old again! Of course, I'm only 18. And that chic wallet too!

Not only did the two of them brought back so many divine goodies for me, they also brought so many of them back for my best friend too. They're just angels for doing that and no words could express how I feel about this-- the blind acceptance of my best friend by my two angels is the best testament to the depth of our friendship.

Elaine was distressed that she didn't bring me enough mementos and she kept apologizing. However, to me, she had already brought back more than enough. Probably many people in the world would find it hard to understand, but it is really the heart that matters. I could really feel the sincerity, so much so that it was almost tangible. Each and every piece of the mementos were chosen with the sole intention of making me happy. A lovely bear from the campus that I very much wanted to go but didn't; a t-shirt where I could wear and feel special because no one else in my lectures would have it; caramel sweets-- I love caramel, dark chocolates-- I am an avid fan of dark chocolates and I only enjoy dark chocolates, not the milky nor the white ones; special sea salt chocolate where she had promised to get for me through our frequent online communication; jelly beans with special flavors; a wallet as they know I love to accessorize, I Love Lucy car plate, knowing that I really love Lucy and this infatuation happened when they were away; special gifts from Disney World where they still thought of me while enjoying themselves! The sincerity and the feeling of nostalgia-- everything's perfect and more than enough, my dear.

Last but certainly not the least, I would like to show my gratitude to the two angels for helping my sister, my best friend and I purchase our desired luxury product. My sister, especially, is thankful and she hopes that the two of you would enjoy the cranberry cookies. I love them!

Many thanks to Yu Jie for helping me carry the bulky stuff. Points added!

I'm glad that they have had the chance to experience something so priceless, but I'm even more glad that they're finally back in the sunny island, safe and sound. Call me a selfish person-- I love to have my loved ones around me, and I love to kick pests away from me. But I'm the happiest selfish person at this moment!

Welcome back home, sweethearts!

Why is this day so special? I got to meet my beloved dear girlfriends: in chronological order, Aishah, Elaine, Xueli, Diana and followed by Jaslin.

:D

Technicolor Tessie

2012-01-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

We're always trying to catch the latest movies, but few of us really have any clue to the history of motion pictures. I was ignorant too, but became more enlightened last year, and I'm going to share some information with you ~~ignorant~~ people too.

Jaslin and I went to the theaters to watch Sherlock Holmes a while back (it was an awesome movie because of the clever plot, fast pace, the handsomest Jude Law, a cameo role that gorgeous Rachel McAdams played, and the funniest Robert Downey Jr. who somewhat resembled Johnny Depp with his antics) and like a dope, I stayed behind to view the credits, hoping to catch some kinda rare extra footage that movie makers these days seem to include to ~~force~~ persuade us to stay behind. Eventually, Jaslin got bored and she kept telling me there wasn't any extra footage and she left me in the theater alone as she waited outside. Stubborn as I was (and still am), I stuck to my belief by gluing my feet to the carpeted floor.

I found out something very interesting-- the word Technicolor seemed to ring a distant bell in my head, and upon doing more research, I realized that almost all the movies these days are in full color have a logo "Technicolor" right at the end of the credits. We enjoy full color movies thanks to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) which incidentally, filed for bankruptcy in 3 November, 2010. Don't tell me you don't know what MGM is, it was one of the biggest movie companies in Hollywood, like Walt Disney, Columbia and Paramount are today! Still no clue? Well, remember the lion called Leo that roars right at the start of the movie? It means that the movie is made by MGM. Still clueless? Have you ever watched Tom and Jerry? The cartoon series always has the roaring lion right in front! Anyway, my point is MGM was one of the first movie makers that experimented with full color movies, and we really have to thank them for vivid colors of movies today.

The full color technology that we all take for granted is known as Technicolor.

And guess who Life and People magazines said Technicolor was made for-- that the gal was filmed so beautifully in technicolor that the technology was practically made for her?

It's none other than Lucille Ball.

She was filmed so beautifully in color, with her flaming red hair, snowy beige skin and big blue eyes, that she became known as Technicolor Tessie, after the musical movie, Du Barry was a Lady. Watch her in action:

(Gene Kelly was cute too!)

Our lovely Technicolor Tessie, 1943:

Visit http://golucilleball.blogspot.com/2011/11/technicolor-tessie.html to read more about the lovely Technicolor Tessie!

p.s. Jaslin was right, there wasn't any extra footage in Sherlock Holmes. Don't waste your time.

My Friends

2012-01-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

One of the first American television series that hooked me on is Sex and the City.

Chris Noth is so handsome!

He has the cutest smile ever, it makes him so young! He is also perfect for Carrie.

Sarah Jessica Parker isn't a traditional beauty, but her personality embellishes her appearance, and that's timeless beauty.

Her voice-- it can be lovable and irritating at times!

Kim Cattrall is another NATURAL beauty, she has aged beautifully and I can't say so for many other Hollywood stars. She's proud of herself and her esteem level is so healthy.

She happens to be my favorite character in Sex and the City!
Cynthia Nixon, what can I say?

Her eyes are so beautiful! She's one of the few who looks fabulous with short hair! She's energetic in interviews too.

Kristen Davis, she has the sweetest disposition!

Her facial expressions are the most eloquent!

Sex and the City (SatC) is the one of nicest and most outrageous television series. Before watching the series, I really believed that friends are important, and on many occasions, more important than our relational partners. After doing so, I am totally convinced.

I hope I'm not jinxing it, but I must really count myself extremely lucky to have friends that are as vivacious, interesting, supportive and loyal like Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha are to Carrie in SatC. The friendship that they have is just so precious and their chemistry together is just so great! In fact, I have three close friends with personalities very much like the three girls. When I find myself in a situation that's loused up, I have Samantha, my eternal best friend who is so accepting of me regardless of how ugly things can get, I have total trust in her. I have Miranda, the ever frank and rational person who will never fail to tell me the painful truth, right into my face and straight to my heart, because we have mutual trust that our friendship is ever enduring. I also have Charlotte, who is so positive that sometimes it's unrealistic but so endearing that the positive feelings just get rubbed on me. You will never believe the power of positive thinking!

Aren't I lucky? What I lack in other departments, I have wonderful friends!

~And I guess we all have someone like Mr. Big in our lives, don't we.

Tolerate and Indulgence

2012-01-07T22:36:00.001+08:00

No fellow Singaporean seems to be able to tolerate my craze or share my interest for the Golden Age of Hollywood. The songs for instance, are all timeless, I'll tell you. Anniversary Waltz, Cheek to Cheek, It Had to be You, Dream a Little Dream, That's All, What a Wonderful World, Moon River(!), Fly Me To The Moon, Till There was You, You'll Never Walk Alone, etc, etc, are some of the timeless songs that are just so brilliant.

Does Frank Sinatra ring a bell for you? How about Vera Lynn, Peggy Lee, Louis Armstrong, Audrey Hepburn, Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Doris Day, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, just to name a few?

Apparently, for some unspecified reason, people only seem to know Marilyn Monroe and her famous skirt blowing scene. This scene has become a Hollywood symbol. I feel kind of indignant; Old Hollywood is so much bigger than her. She's a gross under representative and a misrepresentation of the whole era. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against her. I feel a certain tenderness, kind of sorry for her at times. It's just that she's not so near as pretty as others, and not near talented too. I guess her well publicized deranged whirlwind romances made her a legend, sleeping with a US president, not to forget her drug addiction and her psychological health. Come on, there are so many stars heads and shoulders above her, if only people would really do some background research about Ginger Rogers, Katherine Hepburn, Eve Arden, Ava Gardner, Maureen O'Hara, Ann Miller, Vivien Leigh, Bette Davis, Judy Garland, Joan Crawford, and of course, Elizabeth Taylor.

Male stars like Bob Hope, Henry Fonda, Van Johnson, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, Clark Gable(!), Spencer Tracy, Charlie Chaplin and so on.

At least, one person does indulge me, and listens while I ramble on and on to fun facts that mean a lot to me but nothing to him. And now by osmosis, he has developed a little interest!

I guess by now, everyone would have guessed my favorite star. She's the most talented actress amongst all, the prettiest, the most unorthodox, who found her niche when she neared her forties. She had a difficult life, no one in Hollywood ever foresaw her success in television, and she is now immortal! She's also the first and most successful female comic actress in the world. No one has topped her!

She could rearrange her facial features so much!

I very poor thing leh, must go and rave about her to some unknown strangers through the Internet. WHY Y U NO like her too, fellow Singaporeans?

I'm not the type to "anyhow" like some actor or actress. I'm never crazy about those Hong Kong, Korean or Taiwanese stars, and my admiration for Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock, Jorja Fox and Katherine Heigl will never boil over. Lucille Ball-- she's the first, and probably the only star that I'm so fascinated with. I would give up lots of things just to go back in time to the 1950s to sit at the benches, be one of the privileged and fortunate audience members to enjoy I Love Lucy.

But that's just me.

Regret

2012-01-06T10:37:00.000+08:00

Recently, after immersing myself in the life of a deceased person, it dawned on me that we all behave in strange ways at times.

When we are young, we are always torn between wanting to path the perfect faultless life for ourselves, and raising hell and seeking attention. It's a torment, and we realize how vulnerable life is after maturing.

When we reach our prime time, we often try to conceal our lurid pasts. Maybe 'lurid' is too strong a word, but you get what I mean: there is at least one episode of our lives that we are reluctant to talk about. We camouflage it by coloring it, altering it, pretending that it doesn't exist; something but never the exact truth.

When we age, we become proud of the huge blunder we've made. What's life without crazy mistakes, we think. We have a huge laugh about it with our equally aged friends. We decide to pen it down in our memoirs, hoping to convince others and really, ourselves, that we've led a colorful life.

Human beings-- they're always changing their perspectives.

Random

2012-01-03T09:19:00.000+08:00

At times, my mind ventures into the realm of thinking, and I must admit: the stuff that I deliberate upon are plain weird. Enjoy my random musings and have a great day ahead!

For people who remarry and believe in going to Heaven, aren't they going to be in a spot when they do? Will they enjoy Heaven with their first or second spouses? Hmm...

Do Hollywood stars today keep scrapbooks of newspapers and magazine clippings of themselves, like the ones in Golden Age?

When one's face is so close to another, does the other see that one's eyes are crossed? Do we stare into one eye or both eyes (which is impossible because of the close proximity), or somewhere between the eyes?

When do people get close enough to start releasing German gas in front of each other?

A Happy Ending, or a Sad One?

2012-01-01T23:40:00.006+08:00

I hereby send everyone a new year wish with a piece of story, a story to remind you never to do the things you will regret-- things that will hurt yourself and your loved ones. It may be corny because it's said so many times, but there's 100% truth in it: you can never undo your mistakes because Time cannot turn itself back, neither can it wait for you and me.

May 2012 be the year that I will do nothing that I regret; or at least I try.

Him
Would you love someone so much even to let her go,
After trying hard for 19 years,
When you know that neither of you can ever live without each other,
knowing that you will never love anyone else but her,
That things will never be the same again.
To suggest telling the world that she divorced you instead of the other way round as a sign of respect and chivalry,
To remain calm even when she aimed a gun at you with tears of hatred in her eyes,
And finally show her the evidence you've long wanted to destroy to dispel that accusatory look?
Would you choose to let her go, when you know the love is so deep,
But strangely, the amount of hatred is catching on because of that love in the first place?
You've tried your best, you've given all you ever could to make her happy.
It's not enough, it's too much.

To then give your consent when she meekly asks if she could marry someone else,
Watch her get married, all the while hating that she doesn't belong to you anymore?

Her
Would you love him so much to stick with him though he hurts you every night, then each day and then each second,
To not be the one asking for a divorce because it would hurt him,
To agree to it when he suggests it,
To be forced to agree that staying together would ensue the level of hatred surpass the passionate love so deep,
That this is the best way to warrant that the love and admiration for him will never be tarnished further with personal issues that cannot be resolved,
That your best lover, best friend and a solid rock will no longer sleep beside you each night.

You've tried your very best, you've given all you ever could to make him happy.
Your love, your dignity and your sanity.

To marry someone else so soon, and to do so knowing fully the pain it would cost the two of you,
And the utter self flagellation and self disgust each night you sleep with that someone else,
while missing him with your every single pore?

He wanted her to be happy.
She wanted to forget him.
That never worked; yes, they were both remarried to other people eventually, but there's a difference between "marriage of passionate love" and "marriage of friendship love".

He still faithfully sent her her favorite flowers of red and white carnations on their wedding anniversary after the divorce, till the year he died, approximately 20 years later.
She still phoned him almost every single night since they divorced till his death.
Both of them were dancing to a playful and painful tango, but never again admitting their depth of love for each other because it was too late, and it was wrong by then.

"Do you still love her?"
"Yeah," he said with no qualms or hesitations.

"That was the one great love," she often sighed to her friends.

Finally, the thing that broke that dance was death.
One year on his birthday, she phoned him to wish him a happy birthday-- her mood was jovial.
He dropped the shoe by informing her that he had cancer and was dying.
She lost it.
She dropped the facade of being the strongest woman on earth and she broke down.
He regretted for all the things he had done; he had changed to be better as age caught up with him, but it was already much too late.

In the hospital, whenever she requested to see him, he would refused.
He did not want her to see him in that state, but to picture him suave and healthy.
She persisted, she had to see him.
Thank God, she finally did.
It was awkward.
They had billions of things to say to each other, yet they did not know where to start.
Each word was equally crucial, but time was running out.

Death stood between them, Death brought their two hands together as one again.
Her daughter helped them get reacquainted again.
After the minutes of awkwardness, they started talking.
It was like their first date again, but perhaps the love they felt for each other was much more.
Each time she visited him, he felt almost well again.

One night, their daughter phoned her to inform that he wasn't about to make it anymore.
She requested to speak to him through the phone:

"I love you, I love you. I. Love. You," she sobbed desperately on the phone, enunciating each word with all the sincerity and conviction she could muster.
"I love you too, honey. Good luck with your show." he crooked back, hating his body for defying him, for being so weak.

She was the last person he ever spoke to, or had wanted to speak to.
He died.
Their daughter realized that this fateful conversation had taken place on their wedding anniversary, 2 days before his death.
She was never the same again: her health declined drastically and she died a year later.

Was it too late?
Was it a sad or a happy ending, or both?
Let me know, or better still, let your loved ones know. Your parents, your siblings, your relational partner, your friends, and people who have shaped your life.

Escapism

2012-01-01T07:59:00.001+08:00

A picture of a ladder mounted against an off-white wall always inspire some kind of feeling, no matter how vintage or contemporary that ladder is.

Happy new year!

And in Health

2011-12-31T00:42:00.000+08:00

Laughter can really make one happy. But like any other drugs, one would get addicted to laughing so much that once without a push factor to trigger your laughing button, withdrawal symptoms are experienced.

I've been laughing a lot these days-- I'm so greedy that I keep craving more and more. However, I've experienced so much laughter that it seems like all the comedy in the world have been utilized to sate my gluttonous cravings. I'm standing alone, experiencing withdrawal symptoms, wishing for more things in the world to make me laugh because laughter is so marvelous, so magical.

Second to laughter is love, followed by heavenly desserts.

Tradition

2011-12-30T22:01:00.001+08:00

Thank you to all my lovely darlings for the darling door gift. The scrapbooks are simply darling.

For a moment, I sound like Tallulah Bankhead. Okay, no one gets the joke. I'm born into the wrong era.

I love being a host to a party. Figuring out teeny weeny details and working out tough knots can be a pain in the head, but the ultimate goal of ensuring my darling guests enjoy themselves is worth going the extra mile.

Here's the itinerary:

I cooked all of these from scratch! Cooking for so many people isn't easy at all, but somehow I managed, thankfully.

The guests:

I played some songs on the piano for the kids: Humoresque, Canon in D, a little bit of Pirates of the Caribbean. They sang along If We Hold On Together too.

Andrew played Silent Night and some other songs. Jaslin made a touching video for us and I enjoyed myself watching it. Thank you for the effort, my darling best friend!

I declare Cludeo to be the best game on earth! Both times I won, and the first time was memorable and eery because I just made a wild guess at the start of the game and it turned out that I was right! We kept complaining that Andrew's board game was too small though.

Jaslin, on the other hand, loved Poker.

I sincerely hope that my friends have enjoyed themselves, because I did!

Beauty and Clown

2011-12-30T01:08:00.004+08:00

They say Elizabeth Taylor was the most beautiful in the Golden Age.

I beg to differ.

To me, Lucille Ball was the most beautiful woman in the Golden Age. She transited from being a glamor show girl to a glamorous woman, to a beautiful comedian. No matter what role she was given, she was still packaged beautifully. When she played Lucy Ricardo in I Love Lucy, she was already in her forties. Yet, one would pass her off as someone in her late twenties. She even aged beautifully.

And gosh, the Edward Sissorhands song is oddly touching in this context, tears just welled up in my eyes.

People who have experienced extreme levels of pain are more understanding, are sweeter and are more astute. Lucy was one of these people. She changed my life, even after being dead for 22 years. The world loves her. Americans love her: during the McCarthy red scare, those affiliated with communism even remotely had their lives destroyed. Lucille had registered herself as a communist when she was young just to please her nutty grandfather and it was found out by the press during the red scare. Her career could have been ruined, but fans of hers stuck by her, refusing to hear a single nasty word about her. Even the president believed in her. She was innocent and remains to be one of the few who was totally absolved.

I only wished I was introduced to her earlier.

"Joy requires no translation. God wanted the world to laugh. And he invented you, Lucy. Many are called, but you were chosen."

Men!

2011-12-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

Men always seem to think that they're superior in terms of driving than women. See what I mean:

I've had driven my dad's lorry, my three male friends' car, and even the car that belongs to my part time driving instructor-cum-friend, let's call him RC. Well, I don't blame RC because he was the first one to experience my first time on the road while being a learner driver, and that experience wasn't pleasant. But I've improved a hundredfold since then! You would think he would display more confidence after I've passed my driving test, under the tester with the reputation of being the toughest dude in the school!

Of the 5 males, 4 of them never relaxed, never sat still on the passenger's seat. It was as if the seat was red hot. They never failed to inject a condescending comment with each move I made. Originally, I was perfectly at ease. After 10 minutes on the road with these uptight men, I became nervous and lousy- that's the power of suggestion! Since then, I knew my proper place-- to be seated at the passenger's seat, like a little lady.

Let's face it, the ratio of impatient male drivers to the ratio of impatient female drivers is like, 100,000 to 1. The percentage of male to female drivers on the roads is almost equally divided, but the number of road accidents that involve women drivers is so insignificant, it's virtually negligent. Some men place the example that all F1 race drivers are males on the table. I have no comeback, except that yeah, men like to show off, they like to be the hero, under all the action packed danger and thriving in the thrill of risks. We do not need F1 race drivers on normal roads.

With mounting evidence and self-explanatory statistics, the message that female-drivers-are-just-as-adept-as-male-drivers just doesn't seem to enter the thick skull of men. Stereotypes are difficult to remove, once they are in place in a society, however civilized.

What's there to do, my fellow female friends, except to let males take over, buckle up our seat belts and keep our mouths sealed?

Christmas Delight

2011-12-28T20:34:00.001+08:00

I've never asked for more during Christmas- only inner peace.

This Christmas season has successfully induced in me a celebratory, peaceful and serene mood. Usually I would find a part of myself wandering off to pressing matters at hand- work related issues, school related issues and as my loved ones and I could recollect accurately, last December wasn't fun and games for me because I was badly injured and had difficulty performing the simplest task of walking.

In actual fact, something really nasty happened this December, too. I guess I've become more emotionally unaffected to the point of being able to master the skill of forcing painful events to the back of my mind. Sure, the pain is there, but somehow it's muted; silenced. I'm no Herculean: each morning when I wake up, the severity of the problem comes crashing, weighing me down, drugging me with the lack of will to get out of my bed. Depressing thoughts like why do such things happen to me seem to lull me to an abyss of darkness. We study in Psychology that the period prior to and after sleep is the period where our subconsciousness is the weakest. Our defenses are let down as we prim ourselves to a restful state. Knowing this helps- I refuse to admit that I can be weak, and therefore dedicate all my mental energy to climb out of the slippery ladder that leads to hell, right back to earth again.

I'm really thankful for this break. Lest to say, I'm really proud of myself for finally performing a much dreaded task I've postponed for years. It's none other that cleaning up my room. Not just to take a cloth and wipe the practically nonexistent floor with a halfhearted mentality, neither is it to go through the notions of packing when in reality I'm stuffing paraphernalia and memorabilia into dusty overstuffed cupboards, but to really go through the sheer endeavor of placing every single item where it belongs. It took me approximately a week, and throwing away treasured junk has broken my heart. Each item has a story behind it and it pains me to have to part ways. Telling myself to be practical and strong worked, though. Close friends who have known me since I was a little kid have jaws right down to their chests at the sight of my spotless (well, almost spotless) room. My room is now homey, organized and sinfully comfortable, and each furniture is transforming its coat into an understated off-white color. That's right, I've been doing a complete overhaul to my furniture by painting them white. All my bedroom furniture are now either brown or white-- two of my favored colors. I even bought a standing lamp to cast a soft look to my room.

My next step is to paint my walls white. Will any kind soul volunteer himself to help out?

This originally thankless task of cleaning up my room has transposed itself to being something I'm most grateful to. I've never loved my room so much, and the theme of it clashes beautifully with the theme of a White Christmas. I've long wanted to experience a White Christmas; now, I can experience it daily.

I've found inner peace. Temporarily, I know that, but I'm desperately clinging on to this rare moment.

Alone

2011-12-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

This is the first time in history most of my darlings are geographically separated from me.
Elaine and Diana are at New York.
It's okay, but Aishah's away too.
And now Jaslin is away.

I've never felt more alien.

Best Christmas Gift

2011-12-21T01:36:00.002+08:00

I'm so fascinated with my Christmas gift from Jaslin, Javier and Andrew!

Not only is it something that I've really wanted so much for quite a long time, it came at the most opportune time. It was a lousy day: I was upset that one of my piano keys is loose and needs tuning (but I'm flat broke), and having just been through terrible quarrel with someone not a few minutes later, the postman rang the doorbell. "Miss Tracy," he said, "your book has arrived."

My blood was still boiling over the quarrel. At the back of my mind, I thought back-- which book exactly was it? I have lots of parcels that have not arrived!

Filling with mounting excitement, I rushed into my room, locked it and frantically reached for a penknife. It's the I Love Lucy scrapbook from my darlings! What's more, it was gift wrapped with gold paper, tied with a ribbon and a card was attached on it. Feeling like a kid on a Christmas day, I tore the beautiful gold paper into pieces.

I savor the time I receive a present and remove the decorative wrapping. It's one of the best moments of my life.

There it was, my first and favorite Christmas gift!

I swear, ever single bit of my anger dispelled into thin air. And I have a rotten temper-- that's how much I've been looking forward to owning the scrapbook!

The contents of it stole a great 3 hours of my day. Let me bring you into a world of such endearing nostalgia.

Beautiful design-- a hard cover to protect it:

The scrapbook is a remnant of real clippings, pictures, paraphernalia and notes of the sitcom I Love Lucy from Lucille Ball's mother, Lucille and Desi Arnaz. It's so sweet how Hollywood people used to keep scrapbooks of their achievements-- they really took pride in their occupation. Now? Pooh. I cringe at the thought of how Hollywood stars today are.

The book "The Mocking-Bird Murder Mystery" actually opens!

And there are reproduced items from the sitcom!

Desi Arnaz's record of the song he had written for his daughter.

The theme song, I Love Lucy, with real music scores!

Front cover of LIFE magazine!

Real postcards!

Lucy and Ricky's key to their Pontiac car or house in the countryside. YES! THERE IS A KEY IN THE SCRAPBOOK! Isn't it amazing!

Some of the envelopes open, revealing hidden treasures.

Real Denim material! Lucy actually kept a piece of the overalls she wore in the set.

I wish someone would make a scrapbook of me for me too. I love storing memories-- that's why I bring my camera with me wherever I go-- since secondary school days. I'm thankful for cultivating the habit to make it a point to snap memorable pictures. People change, but pictures capture memories of them before they are changed.

Thank you guys, for making my Christmas wish come true! I'll let you have a look at it when we meet!

Amazing

2011-12-19T22:44:00.002+08:00

It's really amazing how resilient I've become. The time taken for me to get over a devastating event has decreased. I'm now just afraid of further devastating news to louse my life up more. It's like I'm being tested.

Why, I wonder.

On My Nerves

2011-12-16T01:22:00.006+08:00

Some things that you encounter just get under your skin and stay there. Strangely, the more you instruct your brain not to give further thought about a particular event, story, picture or issue, the more you begin to harp on it till it drives you crazy.

I never thought that a book could make me feel so insecure and afraid. I guess it's because I've finally ventured into non-fiction, after reading more than a 1000 books of pure fiction that usually involves some kind of love with a happy, or at least satisfactory ending that has resulted in creating a naive me. Non-fiction books are harsh-- they don't allow you to view the world with rose-colored glasses. The words are precise and cutting, and the cruel facts roll one after another, wham bang! You're struck by the harsh reality of life. You're struck by how dismal the later years of a person's life may be, how others would perceive the aged and the elderly as being useless and less competent than before. Suddenly, you find your identity-- the one where you have spent all your life creating-- vanishing into thin air. You find your young mind trapped by a weakening body.

The search for a happy ending must be inbred in all normal human beings. The notion of a "happy ending" isn't taught to us by Walt Disney-- in the hunter gathering days, agricultural days, post industrial revolution days, pre-Internet days, and today-- we all have an ultimate goal which we maneuver towards: we want a happy ending. A happy ending to some, may be finding their true love; to others, it would be having a fat sum of money. Still, survival isn't enough. Consequently, we take the concept of survival for granted. Few of us stop to take a deep breath and appreciate the fact that we're still breathing.

Thinking of heavy stuff like that really makes me feel like dying young, when I'm still marginally pretty, healthy, and terribly naive. I don't want to see my parents die, my seniors die, and my friends die, one by one. I am someone who cannot deal with death. Death to me, equates to a sad ending. An ENDING, where no correction or rehabilitation of any sort could ever be made. My closed one may have died happy, but in my mind, I would always have that sense of regret, that certain things could have been done better with that deceased party. Interment broods on finality.

Maybe I'm being ostensibly selfish, but I would like to be one of the first ones amongst my love ones to go on. Probably in my early 60s, perhaps? I'm confident that my loved ones would handle death more kindly than I do. Ha!

Well, that book has really gotten under my skin, on my nerves.

Yet...

...the love remains young forever-- it's immortal.

Tres Palabras

2011-12-16T00:59:00.001+08:00

I'm so lonely and blue when I'm without you
I don't know what I'd do, sweetheart when I'm without you

The joy and tears that love endears would have no meaning
If I didn't have you to keep me dreaming

At the close of each day when I'm without you
And my heart kneels to pray, I pray about you

You take a star and lead it far away from heaven
And the star will be lost, as I'm lost without you

At the close of each day when I'm without you
And my heart kneels to pray, I pray about you

You take a star and lead it far away from heaven
And the star will be lost, as I'm lose without you.

Erased

2011-12-11T02:01:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh, my earlier jovial mood after watching the parody's completely erased:

In 1963, Lucille Ball became a friend and mentor to Burnett, having the younger performer guest star on The Lucy Show a number of times. The two remained close friends until Ball's death in 1989. Ball sent flowers every year on her birthday. When Burnett awoke on the day of her 56th birthday in 1989, she discovered via the morning news that Ball had died. Later that afternoon, the flowers Ball had arranged arrived at Burnett's house, with the note "Happy Birthday, Kid. Love, Lucy.

Sometimes I wish people wouldn't die.

Gone With the Wind

2011-12-11T01:49:00.000+08:00

I remember weeping and weeping when I watched Gone With The Wind.

And now I'm laughing hysterically at Carol Burnett's parody of Gone With The Wind.

How can she make such a sentimental, touching, all time favorite classic movie so funny? It's so prima facie wrong, it's sinful to laugh and I feel bad!

Everyone's commenting that I'm old school, for watching Hollywood movies and American TV shows of more than 60 years ago. But seriously speaking, the script's quality of these old shows is tons better than that of today. No sex, no violence, no guns and all that crude dialogues. Today, these are the foundations of a punch line that is recycled so much, it's stale.

Trick for Boyfriends/Husbands

2011-12-09T00:46:00.000+08:00

Ever get the feeling that your girlfriend/wife is hinting that her birthday is coming, and you are in deep trouble because you've completely forgotten about it?

Ricky Ricardo teaches you a trick to get away with forgetting important dates:

Stash away an emergency box of chocolate in your storeroom, with cards saying "happy birthday", and of course, "happy anniversary", "happy valentine's day", "merry christmas" and "I'm sorry dear, can't we please be friends again?"

You won't be in trouble again... as long as she doesn't find out!

Xue Li's Birthday

2011-12-08T13:40:00.001+08:00

I am really thankful to have met someone like Xue Li in university. Amongst the selfish, competitive and utterly, ridiculously bitchy people--sorry, there's no other words to describe the people around me, I'm sure there are lots more wonderful people, but it's just my luck to have met the worst of the worst-- I've met in classes, I've met some awesome people who have brightened up my life and it's really a blessing.

These people include Diana, Elaine, Jin Ye, Yvonne, Jasmine, Meilissa, Serene, Priscilla, Zoe, Lei Phyu, Cindy, Selene, Munis, Darrelle, Yu Jie, Meng Yee (sorry if I miss anyone out, you guys know who you are).... and XUE LI!

I'm always surprised by how far Xue Li will go to help me whenever I'm in trouble. She's really the most helpful person and this trait of hers touches my heart. She's also always supportive, approachable, kind, ethical, friendly and I love this-- last minute-- the same as I am. I used to feel guilty when she nags at me to get my work done, but then I realized that she's worse than me at times! I also remember always trying to annoy her till she doesn't want to sit beside me in class anymore!

I'm really going to miss this wonderful girl after I graduate.

Yu Jie, Zhi Xiang and I went to Marche's to celebrate her birthday.

I've never felt fuller in my life.

We shopped around and then went to Muji and Yu Jie and I bought her a drink! We bought sweets too! Ever since that gal introduced me to it, I've become addicted.

Spending my last semester with her and my other fellow friends will be great!

Balance Up, Balance Up!

2011-12-06T20:22:00.036+08:00

To parents: if you're sensitive about others' criticism on your parenting skills and the way you lead your life, STOP READING hereof.

I'm a Libra. I like my scales to be of equilibrium. I don't like it when they're tipped to either extreme.

I like to balance my life. I like to study moderately and work moderately so as to have time to spend pursuing my diverse interests and to hang out with my many loved ones. It's a strive to be between the extremes, a relative mean. Let's take bravery for instance. We can't be too brave. On one extreme, we have foolhardy, on the other, we have cowardly. To hit the relative mean is to be just right--brave. Maybe because of this obsession to be balanced, I absolutely cannot condone people who are extreme.

My point for discussion here today is: parents with babies. This isn't just a local trend, but in many developed countries too (funny how we don't see this as much of a noteworthy trend in developing countries). I know of many parents who change completely after having children. Suddenly, they have no life of their own: their life revolves totally around their little kids. Friends, interests, passions and work ethics vanish suddenly. Their Facebook account is flooded with statuses and pictures of their children-- nothing else. (For heaven's sake, create an account for your kids instead.) Week after week, they strive for a cuter picture so as to choose it as their phone's display picture. They're all about competing with other parents at competitions on whose child looks the cutest. Not forgetting baby clothes, education, enrichment, outings and all that stuff. It's a rat race. And let's face it, children of such parents end up being spoiled brats, instead of the sweet, lovely, polite and sensitive angels, because all their whims have been catered to-- and seriously, you can't blame them. It was wrongful and sinful parenting.

Let's face it, years later, after their kids grow up, two things happen: either their children stick to them like glue (ending up with no life except with their parents, resulting in arguments with relational partners and friends-- hey, that's a vicious cycle!), or their children leave them to pursue their own future and the parents find themselves left with nothing except the loss of several years of their lives. They start blaming their children for not being filial, for being ingrates.

I believe wholeheartedly in filial piety. In fact, I condemn people to hell who don't hold their parents with high regards. I love my parents for providing me what they could with just the right touch-- and they have never been extreme, thank goodness. I believe in independence and freedom too. I condemn people who throw their lives away, and suddenly, people around them become a means to achieve some ends-- when they need help from the people they used to care for, they find them up, never once asking about how they have been.

No way, Jose. I'm not going to be some means to an end. One thing I dislike-- being made used of. Just to say this in advance to my friends: I'm not going to sit around and wait for a few years, till your children grow up and you are suddenly free again. You know what that is? That is selfishness because you only need someone to accompany you when you're not engaged in some activities, to fill up a sudden void.

Which makes me respect parents who have a wholesome life-- take an ex-colleague of mine for instance-- I really admire her because she's dedicated and committed to her work just the same way as before she has had two children. She's not rich either-- she learns to budget her finance and spend within her means. She pampers herself. She treats people with the respect they should receive. She loves her children and would always bring them to special places, and would celebrate with them during special occasions. She never forsake her friends and her loved ones even for once. She goes for dinners, outing drinking and mahjong sessions and clubbing with her friends but makes these escapades respectable and toned down. She listens to her friends when they need help and never fail to offer solicited advice. Every friend of hers worth the effort is important, even me. There was a time where a friend needed help, she dropped everything, and I mean everything, just to travel to her friend's place to check up on her. She's filial too; she spends time with her immediate and nuclear family members. How she does all of these, I'm amazed. Yet, if she can do it, so can the rest of the parents in the world. And I sure know quite a number of parents who are like her too.

So to those parents overly and completely obsessed with parenthood, it's time to wake up and look at the milieu around you. Learn to be well-balanced. Unconditional love for a child doesn't mean giving up all life to do everything for him/her, you may think this way, but have you ever considered things from your child's view? No parent in the world can provide everything for the child, so don't strive to be Mr. or Mrs. Best Parent in the World. Unconditional love at times, means doing the right thing that would break your heart but is for the betterment of the other party. Loving someone is not to provide everything within your means, but to provide just the right amount, and not provide the others, so that your children can stand on his or her own to feet. If your kid has everything, one day when you meet an accident and die (who knows), I don't think the child is going to have enough emotional strength to carry on.

I don't care who you are-- even if you're my best friend (I suppose this won't happen because I've made it clear to my close friends about this, and to my surprise, all of them share the same view as I do, if not more adamant than I am), the moment you commit this faux pas, I'm sorry. My advice: learn to treasure the people around you and don't take them for granted. Because no one is obliged to sit around and wait for you to come around.

BALANCE IS THE KEY.

Proud

2011-12-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

Found this on Facebook:

I feel proud that I grew up in the 90s.

We are the last generation who learned to play in the streets,played hide and seek,london bridge is falling down,ice and water, block catching, paper plane throw top of HDB Block, blind mice playground. we are the first ones who've played video games, and we're the last ones to record ...songs off the radio on cassettes.

Adjust antenna to watch TV, ate A&W before it went extinct in Singapore. Watch LD (Laser Disc), share m'sia chnls on tv. Watch channel 5 when it was under TCS. Watched low SFX dramas like old casino channel 8 drama and was in awe! Bring Walkman to School was cool. Tamiya cars.

We learned how to program the VCR before anyone else, play with Gameboy,Play Station One,Super Nintendo, &............... Genesis. We also believed that the internet would be a free world.

We are the generation of the DIGIMON,POKEMON,Power Rangers,PowerPuffGirls, Tom and Jerry,Thunder Cat and Ninja turtle, Dexter's Laboratory, Johnny Bravo, Cow&Chicken, Mian Bao Chao Ren....Sailor...M***, smurf, swat cats, ghostbusters, he man, ultraman, superman, Johnny Quest, Captain planet.. Traveled in cars without seat belts or airbags, lived without mobile phones.

We used public phone with 10 cent coin. We board bus with transitlink card. King albert Park had a playground. Orchard road was much smaller. We can buy shitloads of stuff with $1. Catch bugs and watch them fight. Had to walk super long under hot sun before reach busstops. MRT line was seriously limited. Potong ice cream was godlike?

The food in the 90s was the golden age... now all you see is franchises of novelty items. All the traditional flavour is lost.

Live on an internet connection which would have killed modern nerds due to the long dial time. Phone call will instant kill your internet.

We didn't have iPhone, iPad ,Macbook ,Psp, surround sound, mp3, iPods, Facebook or Twitter but nevertheless we had a really GREAT TIME! :)

Don't Regret

2011-12-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

The first time I read about the bittersweet but tragic ending to a love story, I cried. I still feel sad about it.

Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball

Some couples' lives had been so intertwined, they never get over each other.

I'm someone who doesn't fear much, or maybe I should put it this way: I have my fears, but I never fear to face my fears. But then, I realize my soft spot, I cannot bear to put with the people I love. My pet bird died 15 years ago, but I still cry about it every now and then. How can I ever bear to see my family leave me, how can I ever bear to leave my friends? Maybe I'm selfish and weak, but I wish that I wouldn't be the last of my loved ones to leave. I would rather be one of the firsts, to go away peacefully.

Grief kills me-- maybe the phrase "dying from a broken heart" is possible.

Zoe

2011-12-01T23:10:00.001+08:00

Finally I was able to push October away (actually it pushed me away) and November arrived. I got to meet Zoe; it was a funny day full of walking because the two of us were blur. First I made us walk unnecessarily because I couldn't find my sister's workplace. Sorry, babe!

Then, she forgot which stop to alight at Orchard and we walked back. The walk was great because we had a sinful meal and sinful desserts at Marche!

She introduced to me Savory Salmon Crepe-- nice!

We ate desserts and stole from each other. I'll bake her cheesecake before she flies to the US!

We went shopping after that!

I'm going to miss her when she's away.

Anniversary Waltz

2011-12-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

People always ask me what I look for in a husband:

Now let me tell you, he must be able to sing this song, and lead me in a waltz.

I'm very adamant about this- he must know how to dance. I know how to dance ballet, Chinese dance and some Salsa; so, my sense of rhythm ain't bad. He must be better than I am!

He must be like Ricky Ricardo to Lucy Ricardo, and like Desi Arnaz to Lucille Ball.

If he doesn't even know what/who the worm I'm talking about, he can forget about wooing me, ha ha ha!

~Which is why I'm opting to stay single. I'll either settle for the best, or nothing.

Excited!

2011-12-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

I've been stalking UPS's tracking webpage like an obsessed freak over these few days. I would refresh the webpage every hour or so!

I love that my parcel can be tracked. I sort of imagine the little brown box, sent by the sender, traveling to the main sorting office, transiting from one plane to another, from USA to Hong Kong to Changi Airport, and me receiving it, all in my head.

It's worth the $20 of stamp! I hope it's in good condition. I'm crossing my fingers!

There are things in life I'm bored of, but I doubt I'll ever be bored of online shopping. Shipping and planes and customs and all that intrigue me!

Oh, why can't you send it to my place now? I don't sleep till 2am! Pretty please...

My Best Birthday Gifts

2011-11-23T20:56:00.000+08:00

I've gotten more than 200 birthday wishes through SMS, Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp. Thank you all for wishing me a happy birthday and each of your wishes mean very much to me. They are all significant!

I also love all the gifts from all my loved ones: each gift has a thoughtful sentiment attached. I can feel the sincerity behind every choice. Most importantly, all the gifts are useful and handy! Thank you for the gifts and cards!

I especially love the DIY stuff from my two closest friends in the world- Aishah and Jaslin. Their presents really made me feel so touched because they're painstakingly created. Such gifts don't become fully constructed in a day or two. In fact, it would have taken time lots of time to create my presents!

Jaslin made a standing calender of different pictures! She made photo collages and decorated each page with fanciful colored papers! She also wrote a long message for me! She said to place the standing calender on my table and flip to a new page every month.

Of course, I cannot bear to put it on display for the fear of dust and dirt. He he...

Aishah hand drew a pair of shoes of my favorite cartoon characters: Bad Badtz Maru and Smurfs! It takes a tremendous amount of hard work, concentration and adept skill because there were so many tiny details such as colorings, outlines and finishes.

She told me to wear it as often as I can because it's waterproof but I cannot bear to wear it! I wore it once and was so paranoid of stepping on dirt! He he...

Two wonderful closest darlings with such skill, sincerity and sweetness! It's going to be awfully sentimental when we look back at such great creations and pictures 20 years down the road.

Each time I'm down, I remind myself that there are so many people who genuinely care for me. It's true that I meet the worst of the worst people (aka scum) throughout my life. I'm compensated though, by having so many wonderful friends and the sweetest close friends around.

Jaslin's Birthday

2011-11-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday, my best friend!

This is the 11th year I'm celebrating your birthday with you and I've really been low on ideas. Then a thought occurred to me: why not cook a meal and bake a birthday cake for you?

I was so proud of my awesome idea because it's for an awesome friend who I feel deserve 1000% from me. You're the most supportive, accepting, kindest, sweetest best friend I ever had and I'm thankful for having met you. I keep emphasizing my gratefulness and won't get sick of saying that. I remember reading Sweet Valley High and Babysitter while I was in primary school: I had always hoped for a soul mate- Fate was good to me and my wish came true.

Jaslin arrived at my place and I had everything settled. The spaghetti and vegetables were just right, the sauce was simmering, the yogurt drink was fresh, the ice cream was sitting in the freezer, and the cake was lying in the microwave, fresh and fragrant!

We had a lovely meal together! She said that she loved the dishes and everything about them. Thank you bestie for always being so supportive and appreciative!

Then, the long anticipated Molten Lava Chocolate Cake was served with a birthday candle! Doesn't she look sweet here:

I was thankful that the insides were hot and wet and liquid! I must say that it was delicious... He he!

We sat and watched I Love Lucy! I've been telling Jaslin that the sitcom was SO funny and she hadn't had the time to watch the shows I've recommended her: Sex and The City, CSI and I Love Lucy. We laughed especially hard and we couldn't stop laughing while watching the first 3 episodes! I seriously think that I cannot watch too many episodes at one shot- after too reaching the marginal utility of laughter, you just zone out and stonewall. Seriously!

Lucille Ball's so awesome.

Anyway, we went to Junction 8 for a walk- we fooled around at Popular Bookstore with all the books, and went to the supermarket. Everything was great- just some simple shopping around with comfortable company on a slow, lazy day. Soon, we went to Auntie Kim's to meet up with the boys for dinner.

The food finally arrived.

Every dish was awesome- authentic Korean food, for your information!

Finally, present-opening time!

I surprised her with another present. Earlier on, I thought she had seen it while I opened my bag. Thank goodness she didn't!

It's a handmade organizer. I swear that drawing tables almost killed me!

I hope that she will like and use it!

We soon parted as she went to club. Of course, I didn't go. Ha ha ha! I invited the guys over to my place to try some of the lava cake. They liked the cake too! Of course, I influenced them with I Love Lucy too! More laughter again!

Lucille Ball rocks!

And that's how we concluded a perfect 11/11/11~

16 October (Birthday Celebration)

2011-11-18T18:46:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the long overdue post. I promised myself to finish up my birthday posts but depressing things had happened in October that made me feel like doing nothing but to sleep.

Lei Phyu, Zoe and her sister Jasmine met me at Vivocity for dinner. We went to a Hong Kong cafe. All the dishes were fantastic! We kept poking at one another's food.

I love my Honey Milk! These days, I DIY it at home and it's so tasty!

Me and Lei Phyu!

My beef spaghetti!

Lei Phyu's baked curry beef (is it correct?):

ME!

LEI PHYU!

JASMINE!

And... ZOE!

Zoe was very hungry that day! And we were so into our food, we forgot to order the peanut butter toast that she recommended! Luckily we remembered to order it because it was delicious!

THANK YOU GIRLS FOR THE DINNER!
I'm going to miss you guys when you head for the US.

After the heavy meal, we then headed for the movies.

Time flies and it's been almost 3 years since we've known one another.

I'm really glad that we remain as friends because you guys are the friendliest and nicest people I've known in university.

I hope that we'll be able to meet up, somehow, after graduation.

If you guys drop by at Singapore, please drop me a message- we'll meet up for a meal!

We were smiling so happily because we were mischievous: we placed the camera on a table in a shop and we stood outside the shop to have the picture taken!

Thank you for everything and the present. I had an awesome time, and I hope that you guys did too!
<3

That Great Love

2011-11-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball

Love can do a lot of strange things to us. It is like a magic carpet ride, so speedy and dizzying that you're being engulfed with emotions that leave you utterly bewildered.
Love promises to give you the ultimate pleasure and bliss, it also threatens to destroy your psyche, leading you irrevocably damaged.
Love brings out the self-sacrificial angel in us; it also intensifies the ugly demon in you.

It is said that no one can escape from emotions when you're being tangled up in the love web. Nothing can build or destroy our future better than love.

Be careful who you give your love to, though many a times, our rationality and protective shells can only get us insofar, because sometimes it's simply destiny that two characters have eye contact, poof, implode, explode, get swept away forever and destinies change forever, and become a completely new being- love that great, it can only mean two things: paragon or apocalypse.

Whatever love leads you to, you're inevitably changed forever- you just won't be the same as you were yesterday.

The Inevitable Ending of Love

2011-11-13T00:42:00.000+08:00

Today, my long awaited package finally arrived, after traveling miles and miles from USA. The box consisted of 1 DVD and 2 books that would give me greater insight about the star-crossed lovers I've been so fascinated with- to the point of obsession. I was so excited upon receiving the brown box because each time, it's always like receiving Christmas presents from Santa Claus. Fanatic online shoppers would know what I mean... The sheer delight of receiving a package, the first time you hold the contents that finally belong to you. Enough digression.

Now that the stuff have finally arrived, I'm rather apprehensive to evaluate the content. I'm really amazed at myself because I despise the subject of History. I hate dwelling on the past because what's over is really over and there's nothing we can do about it. I don't bear grudges and I don't recall petty events well: I simply force my brain to erase the details of the memories and just become detached and keep a distance from people who were disappointing. I find repeated conversations about the sad mistakes people have made tiresome. And History basically covers sad events in detail- Crusades, Cold War, World Wars I and II, Vietnam War and all that stuff that brings nothing but sadness. The emptiness will sit in and linger on.

I know that the contents of the books and DVD would cause me to be emotional and even mildly depressed. I'm sympathetic, but I can't empathize. My heart simply cannot allow me to do so. Much as I distrust men, much as I condemn many of them, much as I've heard horror stories about how heartless they are, and much as I'm against convention and certain traditions, deep down, I still believe in true love. I do. I believe that somewhere in the universe is a soul mate whose character fits mine perfectly. He would be far from perfection, but I would find his imperfections endearing- I would love all his imperfections because they would make our relationship perfect.

Truth be told, I've been rather troubled these days. Maybe I look at the concept of love from rose colored glasses, or maybe I've always thought that love is the solution to all problem. As long as true love exists, things would work out in the end. This entire foundation that governs my relationships with my family and friends keeps decomposing because I keep getting informed about the ill fates people around me and people I'm concerned about have or are going through. I'm standing on the rubble, and the debris cuts right through my heart. I literally have to force every pore of my being to be brave and keep a clear mind- I can't escape the task of defining relationships anymore because escapism is cowardice. I despise cowardice and I should never be accused of being a coward because I'm certainly not!

Therefore... autobiographies, books and documentaries of the star-crossed lovers, here I come!

Power

2011-11-11T01:54:00.000+08:00

I've never felt the compulsion that much as this moment to give a negative emblem of POWER. It has now made its way to my list of dirty words, alongside money, injustice and exploitation.

Power is a bad mate that keeps you company. The more time you spend with it, the more it eats you away without your awareness. By the time your subconscious alerts you to the danger, your heart has already been eaten away, leaving you standing amidst all the cruel mistakes you have ever made because of the devilish companion that has possessed you and robbed you of all your senses.

Those who are in power desire more power- they're addicted, they're hooked. They lose all their self-awareness and prolong the moment at all costs where they have to look into the mirror. As such, their mistakes accumulate while they back further away from the inevitable moment of truth. They fail and fear to look into the eyes of their loved ones- their families and friends, their mentors and their subordinates, that will alert them to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Those who are in power are cowards at heart.

The craving for power is due to the inner fear of being powerless. They have probably been stigmatized; stripped off their respect at some point in the course of their lives- those traumatic events that you just cannot get over, and over the years you carry those emotional baggage without knowing it. There are only, and only 3 reactions to situations that have damaged your psyche- to break yourself or to break others, or to turn away forever. Now, some people claim to be able to maintain that neutral balance. Let's face it, obviously these people haven't really been that traumatized. I really believe that when being pushed too far into a corner, one can became insane.

I recently heard a story of someone who let power eat up her integrity and values that originally seemed to be so firmly rooted in her. Feeling disturbed, I discussed the notion of people changing when they climb up the social, economic or political ladder with a few trusted confidantes of mine. The replies received were all irrevocably yes, people change when they do. I cannot hide the fact that I'm now more disturbed than ever. Are people behaving this way because of a norm, a stigma and a stereotype that society and media have helped to create? Or is there a psychological or sociological reason for being power hungry? Whatever the answer is, just because everyone does something, it sure as hell does not mean that you and I would have to follow the rest of the world, especially when our strong sense of value clearly distinguishes black from white.

I remember back in lower primary school, I was one of the stupidest kid in class. Out of 40 kids, I was always ranked the last 5. I remember stupid people like me were powerless- we had to lick the boots of the powerful kids who were ranked on the other extreme to become the in-group. There were too many humiliating incidents- these incidents have probably made me the resilient even-though-I'm-dead-embarrassed-I-still-stand-firm-in-front-of-you woman.

One fine day, I woke up being intelligent. Till this day, I will never know what hit me because I sure as hell didn't make an effort to, but my mind suddenly worked like a machinery that has been oiled recently. I only had to be taught once. I could even learn up skills through self-study or covert observation. I became one of the "haves". But I didn't abuse my authority, neither did I play politics. I remained true to myself and in the end, I realized that by not retaliating, I was actually cutting my own flesh and throwing it to the sharks. Eventually, I got sick of the system and the people and turned my back away forever.

See. There are options that people can make. Some people choose the easy way out; some choose to protect themselves; others remain true to their hearts.

Yet, I still naively believe that at the end of the day, a happy ending occurs just before the actors bow and the curtains close. By some miracle, the villains would realize how much they have hurt their loved ones and turn over a new leaf. They would apologize, make friends, then find a soul mate, get married and live happily ever after. I know I'm naive and view the world through rose colored glasses, and the rose couldn't get redder than that, but that's just me- choosing to believe the best of people and circumstances.

15 October (Birthday Celebration)

2011-10-26T10:39:00.000+08:00

Xueli, Yujie and I have been talking about meeting up since school started and finally, we met at Ion for a meal!

We couldn't decide on where to have our lunch, and because I've been missing Elaine so much, I suggested that we go to the Japanese restaurant we previously spent great moments before.

We ordered our sukiyaki soup based steamboat.

Yujie's friend joined us and I must say, he's quite a character! It turned out that Yujie doesn't like vegetables, he only eats meat. Tsk, tsk.

We sat there and chatted for quite long because people around us had all finished their meals and had gone away.

I went down to Takashimaya to surprise my colleague, Lina with a birthday cake. She told me before that no girlfriend of hers had ever celebrated her birthday with her with a birthday cake (I guess everyone's jealous because she's so pretty).

We adjourned at Double O for some dessert. Me and my sweet tooth again. I just needed desserts to wrap the day up.

Thank you Xueli for your present. It's REALLY, REALLY good and useful! You know me so well, my dear. I've been using it everyday and it's the most useful present! He he.

I hope to see you guys around in school as well as outside school soon. It won't be long because someone's birthday is coming up!

12 October (Double Birthday Celebration)

2011-10-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

I had been looking forward to meeting Linyan! The last time we met was on the night that her results came out, but she was so calm and relaxed that I was in awe of her!

I was almost late for lesson because I was held up by seeking high and low in my messy room for her birthday present. I wanted to give it to her 2 weeks ago, and you can say again how the memorabilia in my room keep piling up.

Finally, I met my dearest bestest friend from college. It would be a double birthday celebration (her's and mine). She suggested Seoul Garden and we went to Marina Square after her lesson. She mentioned that she was going to treat me and I was pleasantly surprised!

Thank you, my dear Hailee for the treat! You're the best!
<3

Being the only ones in Seoul Garden as it was still quite early, we had all the buffet food to ourselves and we grabbed lots of food!

We kept grumbling about the small size of the soup pot.

And she helped me draw the connection between Korea and Seoul Garden. She said "why do you think they name it 'Seoul' for?" She was hilarious!

This is the gal who has been through thick and thin with me. We'll always be close friends and I'll always hold her dear to my heart.

And that's plain ol' me:

And us:

This gal was so daring! She dragged me to Subway just to open our presents. Ha ha!

Thank you for the presents and the sweet letter! I love them all, and I hope you'll like mine too!

It was just amazing how time flew when we were together! One minute we were at Watson's, the next we were at the John Little bizarre. And the entire morning and afternoon just sped by! This goes to show the extent of me enjoying her company. I love it when we have excuses such as birthdays to meet up!

I love it too when we meet up just because we miss each other.

10 October (Part 3)

2011-10-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

The day drew to an end accompanied by my family and my birthday tart. Isn't it special, that I get to choose a tart for my birthday, instead of the usual cake?

My sister bought the strawberry custard tart from Takashimaya. I've been itching to get it but it's just too expensive.

Not only was the tart delicious, it was the first time that the colors of the candles matched that of the candle holders! Maybe I'm being anal, but don't you guys try to fit the candles into the holders of the same color, and end up feeling a wee bit irritated upon realizing that there would always be mismatches?

And they were professional, they glued the tart to the box so it didn't slip!

I had an examination the next day and I knew that I was going to do badly from all the celebration. Why do I always choose play over work. Sigh.

More celebration with my darling friends to come!

10 October (Part 2)

2011-10-19T15:19:00.000+08:00

I'm back!

After the lunch and movie date with Jaslin, we took the train down to meet our beloved Aishah. Finally! I've been anticipating the meet-up with her and she was going to take us for some French Cuisine at Haji Lane. I guess I was seeking novelty and wanted to try some new food. Normally when it comes to food, I can stick to the same dish for a year without getting sick of it. But that's just me.

The girlfriends:

It's a small and cozy restaurant and well-decorated too. We ordered our meals...

Mushroom soup- I love mushrooms!

Jaslin's and mine:

Aishah's:

It seems like eons since we last met. This is the period where we would be extremely busy and tired. Things would get better as the year draws to a close and a new year begins. How time speeds by!

Dessert time: carrot cake and chocolate cake.

Aishah's really crazy about chocolates. I think she finished that chocolate cake all by herself!

They gave me my presents at long last! I was touched by the effort they have both put in into making them. Thank you gals, for everything, and for taking time off to spend my birthday with me. I love you gals!

After sitting there for hours, we finally left. In the evening, they accompanied me to Novema to get an external hard disk. Good thing that I got one because my laptop has been very naughty and I feel that it's about to crash soon. I used the external hard disk to do a back up.

To be continued...

10 October (Part 1)

2011-10-18T14:36:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday to me! It wasn't that happy because I've grown older (mentally, not physically!) and more ~~cynical~~ realistic about people. And I'm always right. Don't you just hate me now...

Anyway, I went to meet my bestie Jaslin after my test in the morning. I was still feeling tired from trying to cramp in information at the eleventh hour and all, and was deeply traumatized by the test. I felt much better after meeting her!

We went to Japanese Village at The Cathay for lunch. I needed a dose of caffeine and we went to Yakun Kaya Toast for milk tea! We brought the tea to the theater (typical Singaporeans) for our movie, The Change Up!

I was excited about the movie because it was starring Ryan Reynolds. I found Jason Bateman vaguely familiar and finally was able to link him to Couples Retreat (2009). The movie was great and meaningful!

It felt like a vacation instead of the deplorable examination period because the theater was virtually empty! It contained less than 10 people and I had to stifle my laughter several times! It would be weird to hear a lone laughter in the huge theater, right?

To be continued...

12am, 10 October (Birthday Surprise)

2011-10-17T14:19:00.000+08:00

Upon reaching home, I tried to no avail to study for my Ethics test. I knew it was a fait accompli that I would do badly and there was nothing I could do about it as time was running out. And I would also be having American Pluralism midterms on Tuesday. Sigh. Anyway, my mum started acting weirdly and I had an inkling that Aishah and Jaslin were going to surprise me or something!

Turned out, I was right! They were at my front door at 11:30pm, waiting to count down with me for my birthday!

Aishah's sister baked my birthday cake. She's the best baker in Singapore and all her cakes and pastries are beautiful, international standard and delicious and I hold her in awe! And this year, there were my favorite mcaroons on top of the cake!

I looked hideous, bespectacled, with the messy hair. It must be that I was yanking them out due to the stress when my best friends arrived!

Thank you gals, for never failing to make the event special, even when you both were tired with your work and all. It would be nothing special without your presence! More importantly, I'm thankful for having met you guys- 11 years of friendship and still going on strong!

9 October (Birthday Celebration)

2011-10-16T14:07:00.000+08:00

It was a Sunday, otherwise known as Family Day. My parents and sister were being such great sports because they agreed to going to the airport for an early dinner. Considering the fact that they would always choose to go to nearby places or places of convenience for meals, I was moved beyond words when they braved the public transport (bus, circle line MRT, green line, transfer at interchange) with me!

I thought that Aston's was at Terminal 2 and I led them wrongly. We had to take the tram down to Terminal 1 and I felt bad for having let them walk.

It was my treat! All of them protested strongly but I really, really wanted to treat them and they didn't had to worry because I've saved for ages!

My parents look fierce. They are, which is why I'm such a good, great gal.

I love root beers!

Mum's grilled fish:

Dad's salmon:

My hickery chicken:

Sister's fried fish:

I've only taken airplane ride once in my life when I was 18 years old. Technically it was more than once during that trip (international, domestic and return trip) but I remember the exhilaration when the plane accelerates to such a great speed before it touches off the ground! I remember the slight bump when the plane lands too. Airplanes never fail to fascinate me!

The newly renovated viewing area was so cool! I was standing on glass.

We took a long bus trip home and I went for egg tart dessert after that. The next day was Ethics test. Darn.

To be continued...

8 October (Birthday Celebration)

2011-10-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

I've been very busy, no surprises here, especially in the month of October, because it'll always be the examination period, for myself as well as my beloved students. It's highly stressful! Not to forget the need to work and to celebrate my birthday too!

I was going to meet Andrew, Javier and Yew Wien for dinner.

The guys were acting very strangely. They were going to bring me to somewhere special and didn't want to divulge the location. The only thing I knew was that it was located at Holland Village. Anyway, we reached the Italian restaurant but it was full! Javier did something really daring that it shocked my feet off! In summary, he pretended that he had made a reservation and they finally let us in!

The food were all awesome. Even the starter was excellent! The sauce is actually olive oil plus vinegar.

The signature pizza was the best! Thin crust pizza bread with asparagus, Parmesan and Mozzarella cheese, truffle sauce and an egg! I'm missing it already!

More dishes came, they were all very refreshing!

After delving into long philosophical conversations, I finally got to order dessert, also known as my mini birthday cake, Tiramisu! I have a serious problem of having a sweet tooth.

Picture taking ceremony...

It was truly an enjoyable dinner; not only was the location original, the dishes were all scrumptious and the company was great. I especially want to thank Javier for the treat! He was being extremely generous that night!

Thank you, Javier!

The guys, to my great surprise, wanted to go for drinks. This was the first time I ever drank with them! It was just full of surprises that night. Yes, yes, I know that I've sworn off drinking. But it's a rare and special occasion!

We adjourned at a bar.

The games were all fun (except the mathematics one). Luckily I can hold my liquor because I always lose in games!

Thank you all, for taking the effort to meet up with me amidst your exams and work!

Thank you also, for the lovely handmade cards and presents! It's really a pleasure to be great friends with you guys!

To be continued...

Special

2011-10-07T23:24:00.000+08:00

I try to do interesting things on each of my birthdays. Spending quality time with all my loved ones has become a tradition and yes, it's always interesting and enjoyable, but I'm highlighting NOVELTY right here. I guess I'm someone who always seeks to be unique and to do unexpected things or out-of-the-ordinary paths. This ambitious ambition has never ceased.

Last year, the day (10.10.10) was already special enough. The places that I went to and the activities were all done the first time. I've been pondering over what to do that would be interesting this year. Of course, I'm still baking a huge cheesecake to give to my work colleagues and close friends as usual, but it isn't enough. I want to make someone outside my social circle happy.

Suddenly, it all hit me.

This year, I'm going to do something really unique, personal, meaningful... and possibly downright foolish: I'm going to write to a certain someone in West Hollywood, LA, California. I'm sure no one around me has ever done it before, eh?

I really hope that it gets read. I'm crossing my fingers now!

The In-Between

2011-10-02T23:58:00.001+08:00

Without realization, most of us have been applying the theory of justice to love, and this is highly hazardous.

I've always put high stakes in justice, that truth prevails and good overcomes evil. This belief has helped me distinguish right from wrong, black from white and the grey areas. It has also acted as a compass at crossroads. But when it comes to relationships where human beings are the cause of complications, I've learned the hard way that justice and love are like oil and water; they seem to harmonize each other, but they will neither blend or merge.

Justice consists of the "logic" component; where personal stakes are considered a separate entity that should not pollute judgment. The court is blind, and it acts like dices; these dices will never be biased. On the other hand, love comprises "rationale", where actions are more than never guided by our basal instincts and inherent feelings.

We seem to lose our balance and trip if we forcefully combine the two separate institutions. We believe that when we put in our best efforts into loving someone, into being completely faithful for someone, when we place someone above even our personal needs, and when we play a role of a perfect partner, persistence will eventually conquer all- in the application of the theory of justice. Yet, this mentality is actually dangerous and I would even dare to say, self-destructive. Justice and love are not directly proportional; in fact, they can be inversely proportional. The more available and loving you are, it can actually repel the other party. The catch is, you cannot force anyone to love you back.

Sure, the web of love is the most confusing and complicated place you would catch yourself in. Nevertheless, I have a cure-all solution, that is, the in-between place known as DISTANCE. Be courageous enough to walk away from the ruins of the mirage you have created. By walking further from this enticement, you actually utilize time to breathe and to generate space for yourself. Then, you may even realize that you might not really have loved him or her, but the whole purpose is for you to find someone to fill a hole in your heart that you can actually fill without any one's presence.

Placing a distance between you and complication creates stark clarity, that life is so much bigger than a seemingly impossible situation but in actual fact, is a minute problem. Some problems do not offer resolutive solutions, the only possible way is to leave with no closure, where leaving with no closure is a closure in itself.

But do you love yourself enough to create distance?

When the Time Comes

2011-09-25T23:47:00.001+08:00

Abruptly overwhelmed by the desire to hurt you
To retaliate, to aggrieve
The visibility of your tortured features, of your drawn eyebrows
of the empty eyes of the dead that are windows of your soul
Are just an attestation of the love you have for me

Call it insecurity, or it be punishment
I need to know
Clarity is the only solace sought
Past the point of that clueless realm,
where each step reeked with uncertainty
leading to resentment

The yearn to leave and turn my back for once
To roam and to be in the quest of
That objectivity that has taken flight
That invisible weight being lifted
Tempting, like a temptress in Eden

Maybe, just maybe
we would convene in that serene pacific,
where our vision is 20-20,
where beauty is magnified,
where flaws are embraced,
where our hearts and mind would merge as one.
Where words are necessary and where no words are necessary.
Where you realize that I destroyed you to resurrect us

Forgive me.

Indescribable

2011-09-16T01:15:00.001+08:00

I make it a habit to think of these lovely friends whenever I am elated or depressed. They are the epitome of what true friendship is about and I am truly appreciative of these two special people who have been a part of my life for approximately 11 years.

Some people go through life not experiencing the joy of having friends who are more than friends. The two closest friends of mine are not just friends, they belong to a class of its own. They are more than soul mates, and the incredible emotional support they have been providing transcends the physical support that others could provide.

What the providence of emotional support, as compared to mere physical support simply means that they do not have to be physically around me 24/7, yet I feel that they've never left my side at all. Even when distance is between us, I can feel and see them clearly as if they are here with me.

What makes me so sure of the complete trust for them? Many of my other friends do not probably even analyze much, but I am actually a very private and careful person. I will never really confide in people because I hate being emotionally vulnerable; I hate subjecting people to my test of trustworthiness; I am also emotionally and physically independent. I am also perfect in making small talks that allow me to redirect conversations to my conversational partner or anything under the sun, anything but my true self. It always ends up that I seem to know people's deepest facets and this understanding isn't reciprocated. Most importantly, no one else can see this private side of me where I express myself freely and passionately but them. Therefore, I know that I trust them implicitly.

It's like I thrive in their presence, my energy becomes infectious and this energy is contagious- we always end up with meaningful time spent together. They'll always be special because I'll reserve this side of me only for them (and a few others, you guys know who you are).

Sincerely.

Poetry

2011-09-09T22:36:00.001+08:00

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Cracked Me Up

2011-09-08T23:38:00.003+08:00

I really love American TV shows. They're all funny and more genuine compared to Asian (aka Singaporean, Malaysian, Taiwanese, Chinese, Japanese and Korean)TV shows.

This episode in CSI cracked me up! I bet it was the first time Marg saw the scene on set- first shooting and first glimpse of crime scene; otherwise, her laughter wouldn't be so infectious! And Brass's dialogue was hilarious, Grissom's expression was telling.

I mean, I've never expected that I would laugh like this about a crime scene with a dead person! First, I went for crime and found romance. And now, I found comedy too.

Sometimes Americans display the flexibility to deviate from the original scripts, actors are also given the recognition for their professionalism to give feedback on their lines, some candid shots are even integrated together into the films! We really have to learn from them.

I believe that in order to be creative, there musn't be hard and fast rules. Rules stifle talents and make people stop thinking outside the box.

Ghosts of the Past

2011-08-30T00:45:00.001+08:00

We experience the sticky situations where we unconsciously carry heavy baggage from the past into the present and possibly into the future. Sometimes, we just live our lives without consciously questioning our purpose or existence of true happiness. Deep inside, there is this subdued caged animal waiting to be released. This caged animal manifests in many ways, such as hurting someone we love, doing outrageous things and wanting attention, rebelling against your parents and so on. Other times, we shove the animal back and try to live the facade of being perfectly alright.

I personally believe that understanding is the key to acceptance. And acceptance is the key to reconditioning your life again.

We need to open up those emotional baggage and muster the courage to examine each artifact that has hampered us from seeking happiness. Often, many of us are afraid to do so. We become so reliant on these artifacts that we blame the artifacts instead of reflecting on the fact that we're so emotionally weak and dependent- the problem lies with us; we're lugging the baggage with us.

The reason why I'm saying this is that now is the time I've truly found solace. I used to be living in a ghost town, being constantly afraid of being haunted by "ghosts". I've since then confronted those "ghosts" and I'm proud to say that they are being released. It's a wonderful feeling: I sleep well, I eat well and I live well. In fact, this is the first time in my life that I'm so in love with my life!

I'm urging my readers to confront your pasts- your broken relationships, your failures, your regrets, your fears and so on. Examine yourselves and the reasons you're feeling that way- perhaps you'll get to know yourself a little better.

Your future needs to be treated fairly; don't let your past ruin your future. Let your present heal your past and this will lead you to a brighter future. This is the only way to true happiness.

River of Life

2011-08-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

I'm braver than many but sometimes I too, succumb to emotional weakness. That is the point where I look back and contemplate about why time seemed to be dragging on when I was in primary school, and why time seems to speed by from where I am right now.

My discipline master once used the analogy of a river process to describe a typical human life. I was never able to grasp the meaning of a "waterfall" until recently. I don't think I'll be able to comprehend how slow moving a "dying stream" can be until fifty years down the road.

The source of a stream is ascribed to our tender toddler age range. The water meets the sun for the very first time; exploration of the Earth is on every occasion, guided by gravitational pull, wind and the guiding stars. Our early years have been chaperoned by our parents and siblings. We live in a little bubble, in a safe zone, in a sheltered environment, and mistakes made seem to be of no dire consequences.

As the stream trickles its way down the mountain, it is joined by other converging streams. In reality, our social groups, our options and our mindsets broaden. Our pathways are constantly shaped by our social environment and the experiences the environment provides for us. We find that playing with toy soldiers and playhouses inadequate to quench our intellectual being's thirst. That is the point where we become occupied and more competent in juggling. That is the point where the river's velocity increases- slowly, but surely.

There comes a point where the virgin river meets a watershed. What is a watershed? It is an obstacle that separates water flowing to other rivers. Evidently, the virgin river must pluck enough courage to jump over the obstacle in order to move forward. In our teenage years, we too, meet our first change- our first transition from a primary school to a secondary school, our first zit, first rejected crush, our first failed examination and our first glory. We soon find ourselves not bring able to enjoy the luxury of time because time seems to bypass us like a locomotive train. Similarly, the river moves downstream with greater velocity than ever. However, the river is proud of itself for each watershed becomes higher and bigger, yet its courage helps it jump the huddles presented. Do we ever stop by to appreciate each task we have accomplished?

There comes a point where the river takes a plunge downwards to a new territory- the phase of a waterfall occurs. Does the river pause to look down on the terrifying world before taking a plunge? Maybe it tries to, but nature forbids, nature pushes. I very much alike find myself at this point where the world is below me, and I'm about to hurl myself right down, not knowing where exactly I will end up at. Carpets after carpets are being swept from under my feet, and I'm now at a stone's throw away from the edge of the top of the waterfall. Vertigo is making me dizzy, nauseous and all the blood seems to be cut off from my brain and my heart.

I'm sure many of you at these phases, transiting from being an academic graduate to a masters student or a newbie at the workforce are experiencing that vertigo. Let us muster the courage to equate the waterfall to a mere watershed. Or rather, don't think at all. Just do it, or you'll never get to. Time lost will never be regained, and our twenties are our golden age of risks and ventures. It's not going to be a bed of roses, but keep tell yourself to never live to regret.

Should YOU Delete Your Ex?

2011-08-16T14:41:00.001+08:00

This is an interesting question...

The infiltration of The Internet into our daily lives has been relatively new to understand its dynamics and possible repercussions. Take social media and relationships for example; who knew problems of when to openly admit "in a relationship" with someone on facebook existed? Problems like
1. who should propose to being "in a relationship" first,
2. is it too early in a relationship to do that,
3. if not, what if he or she thinks I'm not being serious,
4. gossips
all emerge and snowball into one huge mess.

Similarly, what happens if one goes through a break up? Watch the following video and generate some thoughts at the same time.

Personally, I do not believe in deleting your former relational partners from a social media platform. From my experience, deleting someone off your facebook account is like a cancer patient going for chemotherapy- you think that the malignant cells are all destroyed, but there is this constant fear about the possibility of cancer relapsing. And deep down in your heart, you know that it will return back to haunt you one day. Well, here's the bad news: deleting your former relational partner from your life is like signing an insurance package that would guarantee lingering leftover feelings. A year down the road when you unfortunately bump into him or her, those unwanted emotions you thought are dead will creep up on you malevolently, eating your heart bit by bit and you'll be back to square one.

Hence, deleting someone off your Friends List is a foolish move to make. Not only does it have a boomerang effect, this action will only present your cowardice and your level of maturity in handling interpersonal issues.

In fact, what I would like to suggest is to work around the problem in a grownup manner. I agree hands down that being exposed to your ex's sentimental tweets makes you waver, that viewing your ex's profile picture with a new partner makes you pissed, that seeing your ex move on splendidly makes you hate yourself, that seeing that your ex is online makes you think about what he or she is doing right now. Well, here's the surprise: it is completely human to feel these; if not, you're a monster incapable of true love and you should be disgusted with yourself.

Work around your feelings
Of course you feel disoriented, heartbroken and beaten the first few days. How do you work around your feelings? Don't go online. Don't sign in to Twitter. Don't visit facebook. Don't do all the unnecessary stuff that will prevent you from getting out of the quicksand. Today, facebook is so sophisticated and the developers are so understanding that the Wall Feed allows you to hide your ex's posts!

Give yourself time to appreciate the precious time granted to spend with yourself again. Subsequently, expose yourself to your former partner's social life bit by bit. Trust me, accepting reality is preferable to avoiding reality.

Humans apply logic to solve mathematical equations; why does our logic fly out of the window when it comes to solving interpersonal issues? Come on, you have had fun times with your ex- why discount those positive memories, or even discard them? Logic will tell you that good memories and bad memories are of separate entities. Deeming your former partner as being a monster will only make you come to the conclusion that you are a loser because you've spent time with a loser and you've actually enjoyed doing so! Logic will also tell you that no man in the world is completely deplorable or irredeemable. In reality, we are all made up of three units: the good, the bad and the neutral (not the ugly). By truly comprehending these facts, moving on becomes idiot-proof because the bad feelings are eliminated or at the very least, mitigated. After all, love and hatred are a fine line's difference. In summary, I have just tried to convince you of the advice that understanding is the key to acceptance.

My point of view is to work with yourself. After the horrible separation comes the need to deal with a more consequential relationship, that is the relationship you have with yourself. If your relationship with yourself is unbreakable, no one will be able to break you.

Heels to Women are Like Stick Shifts to Men

2011-08-12T17:31:00.000+08:00

The competency in handling cars runs in my family, which is probably why I am always so enlivened when it comes to the topic of driving. I've sat in numerous vehicles this year and each time, I can't help but covertly observe drivers' driving styles: are they calm and collected or anxious, offensive or defensive, impatient or overly cautious? These traits are inevitably snippets of how drivers are like when faced with issues outside of driving.

In the name of wit (and putting female drivers aside because I'm a biased feminist), I can't help but link the way male drivers handle the engines of cars to how they handle women. A woman is like a car: you need to know when to go first gear- slow but powerful, just like how sometimes you need to be gentle yet firm when you treat a lady. You need to know when to give a lady free rein to deal with her problems, exactly like engaging in fifth gear- allow the car to coast freely and speedily. You need to brake with no hesitation, just like how consistent your behavior should be like towards a woman. I simply can't help but think that incompetent drivers similarly cannot handle a woman.

They're too insensitive to notice the nitty-gritty details such as shifting the stick smoothly from one gear to another. They're too deaf to listen to the subtle sounds of the engine. Sure, they do hear those sounds. But do they listen to the choking engines, or are they selectively choosing to misinterpret the signs? They're too self-absorbed to steer the wheel with just the right amount of pressure. They're too wishy-washy because they simply cannot apply the consistent amount of pressure on the accelerator. On the other extreme, there are those males who are overly sensitive, their self-confidence suffers. These are the ones who are victims of tailgating accidents.

I'm sorry to make this broad assumption, but I'm almost never wrong. What kind of driver are you?

My job scope allows for me to examine women of all ages, sizes and types. In the last few years, the European, New York and LA fashion trends have been caught on by women residing locally. Shoes are becoming fancier, shapelier and absurdly taller. The heights of women are faux- cheating by sneakily adding a few extra inches is a taken-for-granted procedure. Sure, it makes you look more leggy, the long sexy legs seem to go on and on, reaching their armpits. Here's the glitch: have you noticed how uncomfortable these women are obviously feeling? Sure you do, because the way they walk makes me wince in pain and pity each time.

The way women perambulate or prance with their killer heels or platform shoes may not show how adept they are in terms of interpersonal relationships. However, it sure as hell shows how stubborn, strong-willed and vain they are, and of course, how high their threshold of endurance of pain is. Are temporary height and fleeting beauty worth the price of a broken back and damaged kneecaps?

I have to take my hat off women: their sense of balance is so perfect; it's like doing a waltz on a thin stretch of wire, with their eyes closed.

It's how the way it is. Men like to show off, women like to suffer.

Helen Fisher

2011-08-02T23:42:00.000+08:00

Crashing

2011-07-20T21:37:00.001+08:00

I don't know about you, but I really feel that with all due respect for globalization, people are becoming too interconnected and our lives keep becoming intertwined, whether we like it or not. Modes of communication are so abundant, they're bordering on the tracks of heightened perplexity. For a person like me who holds privacy in high esteem, I can't help but feel suffocated.

I used to have the luxury of time to answer a mail or a text. In an ideal situation, the perfect outcome of advancements in technology simply means that we get to communicate simultaneously without the notion of time and space between us. In reality, people can track where you are, what you are doing, who you are with... and they get all paranoid if you don't reply to their messages instantly! I get extremely annoyed and defensive when people doubt me. But the tables can be turned: even I commit the same irritating mistakes- I sometimes wonder why my friends would rather choose to tend to a virtual restaurant on facebook than to reply me. Questions like 'did I do something wrong?' or 'has my friend met with an accident' or 'is my friend feeling emotional?' or 'why is he/she lying to me?' invade our minds and make us feel like possessive, crazy creatures and these thoughts screw our psychological systems up in one way or another. Something pure and simple like HELLO-I-AM-NOT-A-SOCIAL-MACHINE-THAT-OPERATES-24-HOURS-A-DAY-I-NEED-A-BREAK-FROM-YOU just isn't acceptable now, is it? Oh no, don't tempt me. Because I've already told people that I need to take a break from them before and they got all offended and defensive. Trust me, don't go that route.

And lo and behold, the invention and constant refinement of the iPhone makes privacy matters even more detrimental! As if it's not comical enough that those infernal apps seem to be crashing a few times a week due to the astronomical demands and activities attacking the once benign Internet. Now stalkers can actually track our online footprints we leave on social media like facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, Viber and Skype. What's more, even our locations can now be tracked!

Which brings me to this point: My friend shot me with the fact that husbands and wives could catch their cheating spouses better. I replied him with the fact that when someone has the intention to lie to you, sometimes, it's more often than not that you'll never ever find out all the dark secrets in this lifetime. Of course, he shut up. Sometimes, it isn't about the issue of trust for your friend, your spouse or your family member. When you get pushed into a corner, there's no way to run but towards your captivator. It's human nature that you'll turn around and charge back and scream back. Or the other way is to bang your big hollow head against the wall and die. Or when someone deems you as a cheater, a liar or someone bound to fail, you too would be influenced by the beliefs that your social group members hold for you and in turn, you have no way to go but to fulfill that prophecy.

It's easy to preach about asking people to back off and stop peeping at what I am doing every single second. But it's not easy to stop peeping at others' activities. I'm only thankful that my friends respect the fact that sometimes, tending to my crops in Smurfs Village is more important than their questions because my crops would wither in a few minutes. Nevertheless, I always do my part in reassuring them that they hold such a special place in my heart that without twice, I would choose them over a stupid electronic gadget with equally addictive but mechanical games. Hey, I would gladly put my life in their hands!

Conclusion:
If you don't want your best friend to be possessive, reassure him/her every now and then.
If you don't want your mother or your father to be possessive, reassure them every now and then.
I hope it works for you too! Because apparently, it didn't work for my parents. Huh.

Whirl and Twirl

2011-07-12T23:39:00.002+08:00

I attended the Singapore Youth Festival 2011's showcase alone recently, and was stunned by the energy and passion that were transferred to me from the dancers via osmosis. Swaying with the sensuous music was just a natural behavior, like an involuntary action. I really miss dancing so much. Ballet had been a part of my life for more than 10 years since I was 4 years old. I enjoyed Russian dance, and then Chinese dance in college. And I enjoyed Salsa in university. And look at me now, I'm sitting at home, rambling on but taking no action.

People often are unable to grasp my attraction to clubs. Society's construct of clubs is highly negative. Societal members misconstrue about men and women who visit clubs- sure, many of these regular visitors are usually up to no good (these people ought to be shot!). But we tend to make use of peripheral route of processing when it comes to visitors whose genuine purposes are to dance and have innocent fun. Take note: stereotyping all visitors is a dangerous procedure because it makes us judgmental and narrow-minded.

How I wish a special zone for clubbers who sincerely just want to dance is created. As for those clubbers up to no good, sigh- I really don't know what to do about them.

All Good Things Must End

2011-07-11T23:58:00.001+08:00

The idiom "all good things come to an end" had been thrown at me when I was about to graduate from secondary school. I remember when hugging my beloved teachers who had been fulfilling the role of nurturers and parents; people started hurling this sentence at me, telling things that I didn't want to hear.

Whenever I look at billboards and adverts about Harry Potter's last movie affixed all over the country, an overwhelming sense of sadness just implodes within me. What am I going to do without anticipating upcoming Harry Potter movies? My life is going to suck without J.K. Rowling's wonderful narrations.

All good things must end: 5 words. Each has its meaning of its own. Placed together, a whole lot of philosophies factor in.

I just think that certain things only end when we are deceased and interred. But even when we're interred, the feelings that our loved ones have had for us still linger and remain dormant in their hearts, and come alive when they sweep our graves. I want to be immortal- not to literally live forever, but to be remembered forever, because no matter how much distance or dimensions or realms are presented to me, I will also remember my loved ones. Their smiles, their support, and especially their everlasting love are immortal. Memories are immortal.

So, do all things come to an end? Not in my opinion. Let's all create great memories. And great memories stem from love.

Thank you for loving me.

Popular Demand

2011-07-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

Due to ~~popular demand~~ constant badgering, I'm back. I guess I'm out of touch because after typing each sentence and reading it, I'll hit on the delete button and paraphrase my thoughts yet again.

You guys are curious about how my life is. Life's great, actually! I have a group of fabulous friends, family ties are still as strong, school's enjoyable, and my students are not only deferential, they're performing. Obviously, my life is far from perfect. I guess I've accepted many things and learned to be positive. Whatever issues which are causing my heart to ache agonizingly, I'm used to it. Let's just say my endurance level is honed to an unprecedented level. Also, lots of changes are going to take place after July. Then again, confronting change refines one's character- I should look at this with a positive mindset.

So in summary, I'm a happy girl! I'll always work towards happiness.